Andrew Bolt Said “Up To Half Of Child Are Gay” So Of Course He’s Being Roasted

Which half?

Reading Andrew Bolt is the media equivalent of listening to your drunk, conservative uncle at Christmas time.

It goes like this: the conversation starts off with some weird, unsubstantiated jab at queer “recruitment drives” (??), then WHAM — you blink/pass out for a second, and now you’re discussing the majesty of Catholic schools. Yes, this really happened:

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*hesitantly scrolls down page*

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Wait what happened? Did I die??

But while it’s generally best not to give Bolt’s particular brand of nonsense any additional media attention, this particular article is notable for both blowing up Twitter and being super goddamn funny.

Hilariously titled ‘Safe Schools Founder: Up To Half Of Child Are Gay,’ Bolt’s latest reveals his understanding of grammar is about on par with his understanding of gender and sexuality.

The guy equates Roz Ward, the founder of the Safe Schools program, estimating that, “40-50 percent of young people who are not ­exclusively attracted to the opposit­e sex,” with “HALF OF CHILD ARE GAY,” as if a) bisexuality does not exist or b) exactly half of one child, in particular, are gay.

And folks, the responses are gold, with the best focusing on which half, exactly, is the gayest half?

Speaking as a bi, I would have to say my gayness is divided diagonally from my right earlobe to my left foot, with all the gay occupying my top half.

However, contrary to Bolt’s “recruitment drive” scare campaign, I am perfectly happy to celebrate any and all divisions of gayness. Top half, lower quarter, right ankle: we are all beautiful creatures, wherever we may or may not (asexual pride!!) land on the spectrum.