Culture

Vladimir Putin Has Released A 2016 Calendar Of Himself, Because Why Wouldn’t He?

2016 looks powerful and muscular.

Vladimir Putin, Russia’s president and perennial ‘Man of the Year’, has had another big and objectively successful year. He’s expertly dodged the listening powers of highly skilled spiessnuffed out any remaining pesky rights to freedom of expression and scored eight goals in an ice hockey match that he won with sheer prowess alone.

To celebrate — and to generously reward his populace’s undying loyalty — he has released a 2016 calendar featuring himself on all 12 pages in varying poses and scenes. Called ‘All Year With the President of Russia’, it went on sale for a measly 78 roubles (about $1.50) just in time for Christmas, when Russians are solely looking for gifts which honour their glorious champion.

Each month’s picture — which range from strong and shirtless displays of power, to soft and sensitive demonstrations of fondness for puppies — is accompanied by an enthralling quote from the president, such as, “No one will ever get military superiority over Russia. Our army is contemporary, capable, and as they now say, polite, but formidable.”

BBC’s Steve Rosenberg managed to nab a copy of this unbiasedly excellent piece of memorabilia, and the resulting screenshots are a testament to Putin’s far-reaching and almighty influence.

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It me, Vlad, your glorious leader and one true love. (via BBC News)

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Literally, “Dogs and I have very warm feelings for one another.” (via BBC News)

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Fishing is an extremely dangerous and complex sport, which has so far only been mastered by President Putin. (via BBC News)

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Wise and divine ruler Putin is one with, and commander of, all nature. (via BBC News)

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President Putin is tamer of wild and sometimes fantastical beasts. Here, he is seen with a unicorn, which he bred from his own blood and magic thoughts. (via BBC News)

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This marine-based beast thought it could outsmart President Putin. This marine-based beast was wrong and weak and stupid. (via BBC News)

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Your President is stronger than an ox and has caused many earthquakes across the globe simply from sneezing. (via BBC News)

If the photos look familiar, it’s because you’ve already seen them in every corner of the internet, simultaneously mocking and propagating the muscular and immortal leader. These photos are essentially approved memes, and you love them with the fire of a thousand suns.

For the unwavering follower who has everything, there’s also this new men’s perfume inspired by Putin, called Leaders Number One. If it doesn’t smell like the sweat produced from brutally slaughtering two bears at once, I will be sorely disappointed.

h/t BBC News.