Culture

A City In Germany Is Covering Their Walls In Piss-Resistant Paint To Trick Drunk Idiots

You pee on the wall; the wall pees on you.

ATTN: every defeated bar manager, irate shop owner, and downtrodden resident of a dirty party district who doesn’t really enjoy inhaling the smell of fetid piss on the way to grab their morning coffee. A group of equally as frustrated locals in the city of Hamburg have just found a way to significantly improve your life.

To discourage drunk d-bags from literally pissing all over their town, this neighbourhood association have been covering the walls of their scungiest clubbing strip with water-resistant paint. The substance is similar to that insane NeverWet thing which makes everything indestructible and presumably gives you cancer but is more commonly known as the stuff they coat ships in.

They are doing this not only because it protects the building from whatever Jäger-based toxins are shooting through the dudebro’s system at the time, but because it also sends the Red Bull infused piss stream straight back at the offender’s leather Lacoste loafers. It is nothing short of pure karmic bliss.

FYI, in German these people are called “wildpinkler”. It translates to “wild urinator”. Please take a moment to absorb that word into your mind for everyday usage; your life will be all the better for it.

Now, there is one downside: this shit is expensive. When talking to Reuters, the organisers admitted it cost 500 euros ($700) to paint a six-square metre area. But for them, this figure balances out when you consider the costs previously involved in regularly cleaning the area.

The hope is that in time people’s behaviour will change and guys will accept the desperately cruel practice of pointing their dick at a toilet instead of someone’s house.

But hey, that’s a pretty tall order.