Ten Real-Life Romances That Are Weirder Than The One In Spike Jonze’s ‘Her’

In the new Spike Jonze film, Her, Joaquin Phoenix plays a tech-dependent recluse who develops feelings for his personal operating system (perhaps not so surprising when the Siri-esque device has the voice of Scarlett Johansson). Just his fourth feature to date, Her is Jonze’s most intimate film to date, yet retains the melancholy humour and oddball charm we’ve come to know and love from his work.

The scary thing is that just a few years ago, this concept would have sounded completely ludicrous. But whether through Jonze’s storytelling or not, the film’s odd relationship feels quite believable. Some people already spend more time on their computers than interacting on a social level, and as technology becomes more intuitive, the odds of someone developing an emotional connection with their laptop is not so unlikely.

In fact, there’s already a rather long history of fabulous freaks who have successfully married all kinds of inanimate objects. Let’s take a look, shall we?

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Do you take this… iMac computer?

While he’s probably upgraded to a better model by now, Bill Rifka was 35 when he married his Apple iMac. Rifka even admitted that instead of watching porn, he often flirts with other computers on eBay. The scariest part is that he’s studying to be a psychologist — good luck to his patients!

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Do you take this… Eiffel Tower?

Erika La Tour legally changed her surname to Eiffel, following a ceremony with close friends and family. Since tying the knot, Erika says things are going well, especially in the bedroom, where her partner’s always erect. Hi-yo!

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Do you take this… rollercoaster?

Amy Wolfe Weber from Pennsylvania married her favourite theme park ride: an 80-foot rollercoaster called ‘1001 Nachts’. Their relationship goes through many ups-and-downs, which is probably mostly out of jealousy. After all, the rollercoaster has been ridden by the whole town.

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Do you take this… doll?

There may have been some real-life inspiration behind the film Lars And The Real Girl, which had pretty-boy Ryan Gosling creating an imaginary relationship with a doll. One guy married an actual Barbie Doll, claiming it possessed the spirit of his dead wife. For her last birthday, he bought her a new house and a convertible — it only cost him about $199.

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Do you take this… video game?

We all know that the Japanese are masters at gaming, but this guy took his love of one particular title to the next level. His name is Sal9000, and he officially married a character from the Nintendo DS game, Love Plus.

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Do you take this… corpse?

One French woman married her husband as planned, even though he was sadly killed two days earlier. Apparently, ten of these posthumous weddings happen in France each year. Dating site opportunity at the local morgue perhaps?

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Do you take this… version of yourself?

We’re all guilty of self-loving once or twice (*cough* per day), but this guy married himself in an actual ceremony where he recited his vows to a life-size cut-out of himself. At least he doesn’t have to worry about meeting the in-laws!

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Do you take this… train?

Making literal sense of Kylie Minogue’s early hit, one guy actually, uh, “did the locomotion”. Sources say they’re relationship lost some steam over the years, but they’re now on-track again. Stay for the veal!

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Do you take this… wall?

Unfortunately, this relationship came crumbling down (quite literally) — Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer officially married the Berlin Wall in 1979. While most people celebrated its destruction in 1990, Eija-Riita went on record saying, “What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband.” The good news is that she’s since moved on, and started a relationship with the neighbouring fence of her yard (sadly, this is not a joke).

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Do you take this… Volkswagen?

Edward Smith recently admitted to having sex with over 1,000 cars. Needless to say, it left him ‘exhausted’ and he’s since decided to settle down with a white Volkswagen Beetle named ‘Vanilla’. Their relationship is apparently an open one, and he still has sex with different vehicles from time to time, including a helicopter (again, not a joke).

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Chris is a Melbourne-based writer who regularly contributes to various magazines, websites and on his own blog, Writesleft.com. He also started a neat little website that reviews films in the form of limerick poems, called The Limerick Review.