“Don’t have sex in the missionary position, don’t have sex standing up, just don’t do it, OK?”

This probably sounds pretty familiar, and not just because it’s what Coach Carr from Mean Girls said in that sex ed scene. If you’re unlucky enough to have gone to a conservative school, chances are sex ed consisted of urging students to remain abstinent until they were old enough for the classic 2.5 kids and house with a white picket fence.

Rather than giving us the 4.0 they barely scratched the surface, because apparently our minds couldn’t handle the complexities of navigating safe sex.

Even if sex ed at your school was alright, there’s probably a bunch of things they didn’t cover like how it’s uncool to slut-shame and why consent is an absolute necessity.

So without further ado, here’s a belated lesson in sex ed.

If You Don’t Pee After Sex, You Risk Getting A UTI

If you’re a woman that’s sexually active, this is one of those things that you need to know. Otherwise you’ll end up convinced that you’ve contracted a STI when really a set of antibiotics will easily fix this common sex-induced dilemma.

Seeing as UTIs are one of the main reasons that women visit their GP, its bloody insanity that health teachers often avoid this subject. Urinary tract infections are actually the second most common type of infection in the body, resulting in about 8.1 million visits to health care providers each year in the US – and they sting like Satan’s own homemade vinegar.

Amy Schumer put it perfectly when she joked, “I just got my first UTI at 33… and nobody tells you how embarrassing it’s gonna be.”

Amen sister.

Consent Is The Most Important Thing

I don’t even remember being taught the importance of consent before having sex. In my high school sex ed. lessons, there were no discussions about how coercion, being overly intoxicated or having sex with someone who is underage means that they cannot consent.

No means no, period.

Yeast Infections Are Really Common In Women

Yeast infections are another horrific beast. However, they’re also very common and can be fixed by visiting a chemist and telling them what’s up.

Something that all ladies should’ve been taught is not to use soap down there and to just rinse with water, because otherwise that itchy infection will set out to inconvenience you.

Watching Porn Does Not Mean You Know Sex

Porn is a performance; the aesthetic and soundtrack of porn are in no way the norm. So please don’t base your expectations of sex on porn. Sex can be sweaty, a bit awkward and way more emotional than the fast-paced sprint that porn represents. Embrace it!

Not To Slut Shame

This one’s important – nobody’s sex life and preferences are your business or up for judgement. Teachers never explained this one to students at my high school, so the ‘slut’ title was thrown around like an insult.

If health teachers explained slut-shaming, maybe people wouldn’t give Kim K such a bad rap for that sex tape, despite it being released nearly 10 years ago and also being none of yo’ damn business.

While none of these things were touched on in my sex ed class, we did have a contest to see what team could roll a condom on a chair leg the fastest. Suffice to say, sex education lessons need some reworking in our high schools.

Eden Gillespie is an International Studies/ Media student from UNSW with a love for breakfast bagels and Louis Theroux.

(Lead image: Mean Girls/Paramount Pictures)