I haven’t eaten meat in ten years. And for the most part, I’ve had no problems—except, of course, for the reactions from other people.

Christmas is a bonanza of questions, jokes and sometimes even hateful ridicule. Know a vegetarian or vegan? Please, read this.

#1 “What Can You Even Eat?”

Someone once asked me this while I was literally holding an enormous plate of food. Actually, we herbivores survive solely on sunlight. Obviously.

To answer the question, we can actually eat lots of things. There’s plant-based alternatives for absolutely everything you can think of—steak, chicken, duck, turkey, prawns, cheese, creams, not to mention staples like pasta, bread, rice, and of course, vegetables. Anything you can make, we can make too, just with different ingredients.

#2 “Oh, I Made A Dish For You But I Put Meat In It. You Can Just Pick Around It, Right?”

Most of us really don’t want to be a hassle, but there is such a thing as cross-contamination. If we haven’t eaten animal products in a while, even a tiny amount can make us super sick. Plus, the thought is just really gross.

#3 “I Cooked Your Vegetables And Faux Meat With The Meat Juices. You Don’t Mind, Right?”

We really appreciate the effort, but again, it is a little gross! Imagine us cooking your food with juices from human meat—would you be just a little disgusted? Us too.

#4 “Can’t You Just Put Up With It And Eat Meat One Day?”

I personally don’t eat meat because I love animals — and I don’t want to cause them harm, fear, or discomfort in any way shape or form. Please, just let us eat our vegetables in peace.

#5 “Where Do You Get Your Protein?”

Plants have protein. There’s also a ton of other substitutes fortified with additional protein. It is literally no problem for any herbivore, ever.

#6 “I Bet You’re Iron Deficient.”

My iron levels are fine, thank you very much. Besides, eating meat doesn’t mean you won’t be iron deficient, too.

#7 “WE NEED MEAT TO SURVIVE.”

So, all vegans and vegetarians are really just ghosts?

#8 “But If The Animal Is Already Dead, You Might As Well Eat It Right?”

SIGH.

#9 “If We Didn’t Eat Cows, They’d Overrun Us!”

Not really. We just wouldn’t bread them so excessively.

#10 “Look At My Canine Teeth! They’re Proof We’re Meant To Eat Meat.”

Yes, your big scary canines are definitely comparable to carnivores who hunt and devour animals with their teeth and claws.

#11 “But Bacon.”

Pigs are cute. They feel pain, they have emotions. Isn’t that enough to save them?

#12 “How Do You Know If Someone Doesn’t Eat Meat? Don’t Worry, They’ll Tell You.”

Actually, every herbivore I know would rather be invisible and blend into the furniture than have a pointless argument with a committed meat eater.

#13 “Plants Have Feelings Too!”

Excuse me while I tear my face off in frustration.

#14 “Stop Being So Picky, There Are Starving Children In Africa Who Would Kill To Eat This!”

One billion people do not have enough food. This is expected to rise to three billion within the next 50 years—and animal consumption is the leading cause of this. It takes 9034L of water to produce 0.5kg of meat, and 4kg of grain to produce 0.5kg of meat. Wouldn’t it make more sense to eat plant-based and feed more people, rather than consume meat? Just saying.

#15 “Stop Forcing Your Opinions Down My Throat.”

We’re literally not. We’re just trying to eat our veggie burgers in peace, and maybe explain why we abstain from eating animals.

Good luck this Christmas, vegos!

Zoe is a journalist with a passion for all things wacky and strange. Like her on Facebook and follow her on Twitter for more!

(Lead image: Keeping Up With The Kardashians/E!)