We Recommend: Your Friday Freebies
Junkee-endorsed bits and bobs to make your weekend better. Includes a tutorial on 'basic bitches', a pasta debate, and a selfies gallery... by koalas.
Each Friday, our contributors send in a bunch of (legally) free stuff they’ve come across this week to help you waste your weekend. You’re welcome.
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Tutorial: ‘How To Tell if You’re A Basic Bitch’
Recommended by: Nicholas Fonseca (‘Why Kimye’s Vogue Cover Actually Makes Perfect Sense‘)
“You’re into scented candles. You order your bagels scooped. And then you own a picture frame that says FAMILY on it.”
The symptoms of being a ‘basic bitch’ (i.e. a woman with mundane, uninventive taste) are outlined in this hilarious CollegeHumor video featuring Patrick Warburton (Seinfeld’s Putty!) as a stern doctor who delivers the bad news to his unsuspecting patient and her husband: “If not treated properly, this could escalate to full-blown Sex and the City-themed brunches.”
A cutting public service announcement that will unnerve anybody who’s ever walked inside their mother/sister/aunt/girlfriend’
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Artwork: Twin Peaks Characters Drawn As The Simpsons
Recommended by: Emily Tatti (‘Six Facts About Your Favourite Childhood Shows That Will Ruin Everything‘)
Remember that one time Twin Peaks was spoofed on The Simpsons (back when The Simpsons was still good — so, like, fifteen seasons ago)? Belgian artist Adrien Noterdaem has reimagined all of the characters as Simpsons caricatures, including Log Lady and David Lynch himself.
Combined with that Twitter version of season three, it’s almost like BOB lives again.
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Trailer: Anchorman 2: No Joke Cut
Recommended by: Alasdair Duncan (‘The Five Stages Of Grieving For That How I Met Your Mother Finale‘)
Anchorman 2 is released on DVD and Blu-Ray next week, and the latter version comes with a bonus, alternate cut of the movie, with brand new jokes swapped in for the old ones.
To mark this auspicious occasion, the people behind the film have released a trailer for yet another hypothetical version of the film, re-envisioning it as a serious drama. If you didn’t already get your Ron Burgundy fix from Anchorman 2‘s gargantuan marketing campaign, then go ahead and enjoy.
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Book: The Hunt For Pierre Jnr, by David M Henley
Recommended by: Patrick Lenton
David M Henley’s The Hunt for Pierre Jnr is one of my favourite sci-fi novels from last year. Published by HarperCollins’ Voyager imprint, it’s about a crack team hunting down the aforementioned Pierre Jnr: an eight-year-old boy with a powerful brain which makes him a threat to the entire world.
It’s kind of like that movie with Bruce Willis and the autistic boy who could crack codes, but in this, he can crack your mind with his mind.
Today it is FREE on the iBooks store, which is a super great deal — in fact probably the best deal you can get? It’s cheap-as-free, possibly to coincide with the program launch for Sydney Writers’ Festival, where David Henley is appearing in multiple panels to talk about sci-fi and the like.
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Podcast: Debating Pasta Shapes And Sizes, On Sporkful
Recommended by: Matt Roden
Just how particular are you in the kitchen? Do you acknowledge that red, green and yellow capsicum each bring unique tastes and visual pleasures to different dishes, and should be used accordingly? Do you rigorously pair different nuts with different leaves when making salads, and believe that macadamias are wasting everybody’s time and should just bugger off eternally to a vat of nougat?
If, like me, you enjoy the idea of cooking being not a task but a ridiculous, Ratatouille-like, sensory painting-for-the-mouth experience, based equally on instinct and hard and fast rules that you’ve randomly decided to stick to forever, then you probably have opinions on pasta shapes.
So too does food dude Dan Pashman and Slate editor Julia Turner, and they waffle on for ages about linguini versus spaghettini on this podcast. It’s great.
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Gallery: Koala Selkies, From Wild Life Sydney Zoo
Recommended by: Kate Jinx (‘Mid-Season Catch-Up: You Need To Be Watching The Real Housewives Of Melbourne‘)
Writing about reality TV and linking to the Daily Telegraph. This is a new low for me, but hey, it’s the end of a long week and if it takes koalas taking photos of themselves to get me/you by, then who are you/we to judge?
In a bid for pop cultural relevance, Wild Life Sydney Zoo have given their furry, grunty beauties sponsored cameras with which to take ‘selkies’ (I know, the k doesn’t actually make much sense because selfie is not an acronym, but, end of a long week and all…).
They have released a suite of photos unto the world today for you and I to relax into, forgetting just for a second our troubles. Breathe in… breathe out…
Bruce the Koala takes a selfie of snack time. Picture: Bruce the koala. Source: News Corp Australia
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Video: Social Soul
Recommended by: Katie Booth (‘The Best Trolls Of April Fools‘)
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to step inside the world of someone else’s social network stream? Well, Social Soul — a new “immersive digital experience” — allows you to do just that.
The installation was created for Delta Air Lines, official sponsors of TED2014, and the 360-degree display of updates, statuses and sounds looks like it may cause a brain explosion.
Created by Lauren McCarthy and Kyle McDonald, Social Soul also plays matchmaker, connecting TED attendees and speakers with their “Soul Mate”.
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Video: King: A Portrait Of Michael Jackson, by Candice Breitz
Recommended by: Mel Campbell (‘That Time I Accidentally Changed Hip-Hop History‘)
Sixteen Michael Jackson fans were filmed singing and dancing along with the entire Thriller album, and then the resulting performances were juxtaposed — without the backing tracks — to create a spontaneous, amateur a cappella choir!
The effect is surprisingly sweet, bringing together the imagined community of people who love Jackson’s music. I also enjoyed the revelation of people’s favourite bits about each song, and the different ways people understand ‘Michael Jackson-ness’: the high notes, the dance moves and the non-verbal vocalisations.
It also reminds me that almost everyone likes to listen to music in public, yet few people are actually game to openly enjoy the music playing in their cars or through their headphones. People look at me funny when I submit to the Compulsory Dance Breakdown in Outkast’s ‘Hey Ya!’ or sing the guitar solo from ‘Livin’ On A Prayer’, sitting there as if they’re listening to news of a loved one’s death. I mean come on, you guys. Music is meant to be joyous.
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Video: ‘Homeless Man Does Breaking Bad Impressions For Food’
Recommended by: Chris Bright
Miles Allen has made a lot of impressions. He made an impression on YouTube last year — over 1.2 million impressions to be exact — with the clip ‘Homeless Man Doing Breaking Bad Impressions For Food’. Now he’s making an impression as part of the Melbourne International Comedy Festival.
Breaking Bad fans can relive all the highs and lows as Allen re-enacts the entire five-season series in just over an hour, creating near-perfect performances of Heisenberg, Jesse, Hank, Skyler, Gus, Mike and the rest of the gang. I’m pretty sure it’s probably your only chance to hear what it would sound like for Walt Jr. to sing a rendition of Miley Cyrus’ ‘Wrecking Ball’.
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Article: ‘A Complete Ranking Of (Almost) Every Mitch Hedberg Joke’, by Buzzfeed
Recommended by: Rob Moran
It’s been nine years to the week since comedian Mitch Hedberg sadly passed away. I remember catching him on old episodes of Conan and Letterman, the epitome of the stoned philosopher, looking like some weird melding of Kurt Cobain and Matthew Sweet and some wasted ’70s roadie, who delivered jokes with a hazy drawl punctuated by the odd goofy wall-breaking giggle. His act was all clever wordplay, absurd non-sequiturs, and those kinda jokes where you don’t start laughing until 15 seconds after they’ve been delivered, ’cause your brain’s nowhere near the guy’s wavelength.
In honour of the occasion, some useful dude at Buzzfeed put together this list of (almost) every joke Hedberg ever made. As a definitive ranking, it’s open to debate — I prefer joke #211 (‘When I was a boy, I laid in my twin size bed and wondered where my brother was.’) to the author’s #1 (‘I used to do drugs. I still do, but I used to, too.’), but as a reminder of Hedberg’s enduring brilliance, it’s perfect.