Watch The Daily Show’s Kristen Schaal Heroically Defend The Right To Manspread On Public Transport
"As a woman who has struggled her entire life to keep her knees together, I am your ally!"
Every man dreams of a free and unencumbered life for his genitals; to create an environment for them without want or worry, where they may feel safe and empowered. Ideally, every pair of testicles would have its own paddock to roam freely and shout its opinions on women in video games into the crisp country air, but who can afford that in this economy?
Failing that, every red-blooded man knows that the right to take up as much leg-space on public transport as humanly possible is not just inherent, but vital for safety; the male genitals are notoriously bad-tempered, and are prone to turn on their host and devour it whole if slighted in even minor ways.
Thankfully, there is at least one woman out there who’s studied up on the sensitive male biosystem, and is fighting back against pernicious attempts to make men close their legs on the train. Over to you, Kristen Schaal.
God bless you, Schaal. May the world’s hearts be as open as male legs.