Music

The Most Upsetting Epiphanies From Drake’s New Apple Music Ad

The internet has spoken.

by Sinead Stubbins  21 November 2016

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Today Apple Music have released a new ad, which stars Drake. In this ad, Drake sings along to Taylor Swift’s ‘Bad Blood’. People don’t really like this ad and they’re not being shy about it.

There are so many ways in which Drake is ruining everyone’s life with this Apple ad, but if you’re a Drake fan, you’re pretty much used to him trying to ruin your life. So why is this moment so upsetting? And it definitely is upsetting; you are not alone in feeling deeply unsettled by this display. Let’s look at this properly.

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1. It Points To A Taylor Swift Collaboration That No One On Earth Wants 

It doesn’t matter how you feel about Taylor Swift, no one wants Drizzy and Taylor to collaborate on an album or even a song because it would be terrible. I can’t even imagine music that bad. It would be so painfully petty and whingy and like reading your worst ex’s old emails and I feel like I’m drowning in secondhand embarrassment just thinking about it. No.

In Taylor Swift’s Apple ad she listens to Drake and Future’s song ‘Jumpman’ (apologies for reminding you of this) and so it makes sense that Drake would sing one of her songs for his ad, but why did it have to be ‘Bad Blood’? ‘Bad Blood’ isn’t even that good. Maybe if it was ‘Blank Space’ it would be funnier? Maybe? I’ve lost all perspective, that’s how trash this relationship is.

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2. What About Kanye?

Why is Drake doing everything in his power to make sure this collaboration album doesn’t happen? Why is he shilling for Kanye’s enemy? Why is he refusing to apologise about mocking Kid Cudi? Maybe he secretly knows that he started the Kanye/Jay Z beef and is just trying to distract us from terrible truths.

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3. His Dancing Is Offensive  

Why does he look like a robot who is trying to pick up utensils with his robot claws, but then can’t do it, and has started to cry as a result of his robot shortcomings?

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4. Is He Trying To Tell Us He’s Quitting Music?

A little while ago Drake said that he was going to quit rapping at age 30 — and he turned 30 in October. This may mean nothing, because people in their twenties love to talk about what they’re giving up when they’re 30 because it seems so far away and it’s fun to remind people that you’re younger than them.

The thing is, like his mentor Will Smith, Drake deeply loves acting and wants to do it full-time. He isn’t afraid of playing the goofball, even if it conflicts with this swole, Meek Mill-hating tough guy jag he’s been on for the last two years. Does this supremely cheesy, self deprecating ad signal that he’s done with the musician act and he’s ready to undertake a new path?

Am I overthinking this?

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You’re right I’m not, let’s carry on.

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5. His Gym Technique Is Very Flawed

I mean, Drake looks really good in this and I don’t know anything about weights, but apparently he is doing it very incorrectly. Why does that matter, well to some people it matters.

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6. Celebrities, Please Stop Pretending That You’re Just Like Us

Drake, I don’t need you to be relatable. I don’t need you to pretend that you can’t hold your weights at, what I assume, is your home gym. I haven’t seen casualness this forced since you and your mates fake-laughed at Dave Chappelle making a Meek Mill joke for like, ten minutes, just to prove you won.

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7. This Face

Same.

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