Obviously this is pretty distressing to the Good Coop because, like, hello (HeEEElLlLLOOoOoo), he is now stuck on this weird floating space platform with no way of getting off and also the Fancy Eyeless Lady was his only friend in this hellscape. I get it, you know. I would be sad too. Fancy Eyeless Lady, we will miss you.

But that Fancy Eyeless Lady has checked right out of her brand-new kinship with the Good Coop the minute she is jettisoned off that space platform. She is just floating away in space, evoking some serious late-’90s Sam Mendes nostalgia with a pose that is Full American Beauty imho.

Just as a note: we are ten minutes into the hour-long part three. TEN MINUTES. Phew, time really flies when you’re trekking through a nightmare, y’all.

Anyway now the Good Coop is just stuck in space with a floating head that says “Blue Rose” to him. Hardcore Peakies will recognise this as the mysterious name given to some of Coop’s cases back on Earth — potentially cases with some supernatural element or connection. Floating heads aside, the Good Coop has had about enough of space (which, tbh, fair) so he climbs back into the slow-mo room, which is now distinctly without Fancy Eyeless Ladies.

There is, however, this new lady who is wearing a red dress and looking a little bit like Mila from season seven of Project Runway. And, look, the Good Coop does not seem super happy that there is a new lady he’s gotta deal with.

So she’s not super useful because she’s just checking her watch (it turns from 2:52 to 2:53 which is probably important for some reason) and is looking at the fire. But it’s all good bc the Good Coop is like really really into this old-timey safe thing in the wall. He’s drawn to it.

This weird little safe (set of speakers? Idk) is connected to the electricity port in Mr C’s car. And he’s just being his gross self driving around South Dakota killing people and you guys, I just cannot even with this dude. He is so grody. He’s driving around and the Good Coop gets sucked into the safe and then the electricity port in Mr C’s car tries to kill him with poison or something and so he crashes his car on the side of the road in South Dakota. Not a good look, you guys.

So now Mr C is dead? Really injured? Something? By the side of the road in South Dakota because of the liminal plane’s poison?

Now we have this super disgusting THIRD doppelganger of Coop; this hapless sack of crap called Dougie Jones. He is here after his session with a sex worker in an abandoned house in one of those toy town complexes where all the houses look the same. And, gang, I have to be honest here, I’m pretty horrified that (I think) the first black character to appear in Twin Peaks is a sex worker who refers to herself in the third person and is naked for the entire first scene in which she appears. This is kind of super bad stereotyping/not a great look for this show?

Anyway Dougie throws up something gross on the ground and then turns into the Good Coop, and the old Dougie Jones gets sapped into The Black Lodge and disappears. Bye Old Dougie, hello Coop Dougie, who, by the way, is AMAZING. He kinda can’t speak or move without someone instructing him to (classic) and so his sex worker pal drives him to the casino (why??), where he has a go on the slots. And BOY IS HE GOOD AT GAMBLING (jks gambling is not something you can be “good” at).

I’m not going to lie: this is the funniest thing I have seen this year. Coop, just going around and winning all the slots while shouting “HeEEElLlLLOOoOooo” is just so simple and surreal and strange. It’s a lot like the old brilliant slapstick humour of OG Twin Peaks. WELL DONE. I am here for Mr HeEEElLlLLOOoOooo and I am here for this joke.

Anyway back in Twin Peaks, Hawk, Andy and Lucy have dug back into the old files to do with Coop, trying to find “what’s missing”. And Hawk has come through with the goods: a carton of damn fine coffee and a case of donuts from the RR Diner. There’s not much to note here, except these guys are just nowhere near as funny as they used to be. Something is off with their timing. But OLD ANDY IS STILL ADORABLE <3

Then, right before we tap out of part three, guess who’s back, back again? That’s right, it’s the FBI, led by the hard-of-hearing Director Cole (David Lynch himself). They are here trying to solve the case of the gruesome murder in the weird glass box in New York City (#RescueTracey #RIPTracey).

Well, that’s just before they get a call from the South Dakota police department, telling them that one Dale Cooper (Mr C) is in their custody. How do they know it’s the real Coop? Well, there’s just one person they can ask (apparently)… Unfortunately we’ll have to wait until the next episode (or maybe never?) to find out.

Stream of Consciousness

• The time (2:53) that the Good Coop is sucked through into the body of Dougie Jones is the same time that Mr C gets sick in South Dakota. Clearly ~not a coincidence~.
• There is nothing more precious in this world than Mr HeEEElLlLLOOoOoo helping that wee old lass win a jackpot in the casino.
• Nevada has become important!! Dougie Jones lives in Las Vegas, so I’m thinking we may link back up to the mysterious man Mr Todd and his assistant Roger soon.
• So the case of the death of Ben Rosenfeld and Tracey (#RIPTracey) is a Blue Rose case — that is an interesting bit of info right there.
• I have no idea WHAT was going on in the first half of this episode in the Purple Space Dimension. I’m not sure we even need to know what was happening there?? All I know is I do kinda miss Fancy Eyeless Lady now.
• Looks like the Good Coop is still trapped, but now in the body of Dougie. I’m looking forward to when the Good Coop is ok again.

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The first four eps of Twin Peaks are on Stan now.

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Matilda Dixon-Smith is Junkee’s Staff Writer. She tweets at @mdixonsmith.