Tony Abbott Embarrassed Himself In The Big Brother House Last Night

'Vote #1 My Hot Daughters', basically. It's airing on Channel 9 tonight.

As the election campaign gears up into its final sprint, four party leaders blasted their faces into the Big Brother house yesterday, to spread their gospels to the housemates and burst their bubble of blissful ignorance.

The Greens’ Christine Milne and PUP’s Clive Palmer took the brief seriously, speaking at length about their policies and goals — but Abbott took the screen flanked by two of his favourite lady props, and said pretty much nothing at all.

Look, you guys are pretty lucky. Because there’s an election campaign, and you’re missing it. You’re missing being hassled at shopping centres, you’re missing being monstered at railways stations and so on. Still, I’m not going to miss the chance to say a few words to you about giving Australia a better government. I’m a volunteer bush fire-fighter, I do a bit of surf life-saving, I’ve got my daughters here with me because to be honest, as with all parents, they’re my best asset. Even politicians, our kids are our best asset. If you want a better government, if you want our country to be all it can be in the years ahead–

“I like the one on the left!” the curly-haired one interjected.

I reckon we’ve gotto change the government that we’ve got.

“Is that it?” someone asked, bewildered.

Abbott, displaying a clear understanding of the values of his audience, concluded his speech with its main thrust: Vote #1 My Hot Daughters.

So please, don’t forget to fill out those postal vote applications and if you want to know who to vote for, I’m the guy the guy with not-bad looking daughters.

Finally, Bridget — not-the-one-on-the-left — piped up, to give the housemates the kind of rallying pep talk one would normally reserve for young soldiers piecing together a war-torn country, rather than a bunch of holidaying narcissists. “We’ve been watching you guys at home. You’re doing a really good job. Keep going, stay positive, and remember to vote for dad!”

The full segment isn’t up on YouTube yet, so here’s a clip we pinched from the Tele. 

Kevin Rudd didn’t record anything specifically for the house, but Big Brother screened his marriage equality pledge, which made the two gay housemates, Tully and Ben, cry.

The episode is airing at 7pm on Channel 9 tonight. Watch the full clip on the Big Brother website.