Culture

Fourteen Videos That Prove Scotland Should Vote For Independence Next Week

FREEDOOOOOOOM.

In a week, Scottish voters will head to the polls to decide whether or not Scotland becomes an independent country for the first time in over 300 years. For a while it seemed like the push for independence was a pipedream, but recent polls have put the ‘Yes’ movement ahead or neck-and-neck with the ‘No’ vote and thrown the British political establishment into a panic. Regardless of the outcome, Scotland is undergoing something of a national identity Renaissance; the entire country is engaging in a debate about its place in the world and the kind of country it wants to be, which sounds so magically wonderful you can’t even picture it happening in Australia.

Full bias disclosure here: I would love for Scotland to become its own independent country. It’s a progressive, tolerant place with the right to control its own destiny, and it’s probably the only Anglosphere country in the world that stills defends the welfare state and social democracy with the passion it deserves. An independent Scotland would be living proof that democracy can really work for the people it’s supposed to work for, instead of something for the powerful and wealthy to co-opt and undermine.

But anyway. If you think different that’s fine, but I reckon these videos might change your mind. Here’s why Scotland should be an independent coutnry.

Because Scotland Is The Only Part Of Europe Ron Swanson Likes

It made him cry. Scotland made Ron Swanson cry.

Because Malcolm Tucker Would Be The World’s Greatest Prime Minister

Diplomacy through threats. Statesmanship through swearing.

“Fuckity-bye!”

Because Scottish People Have Great Respect For The Creatures Of The Natural World

Especially this wee rabbit.

Because Scottish People Do The ‘Freedom’ Thing Very Well

Scotland = freedom. Dunno if you’ve heard.

Because Scottie Dogs Should Be Ruled By Nae Masters

His name is Wallace, and he is a very patriotic doge.

Because Maybe If Scottish People Get Independence They’ll Stop Inventing Sports Like Golf

With less free time on their hands, Scottish people won’t be able to think up the next cardiac-arrest-in-waiting disguised as a sport.

Because A ‘Yes’ Vote Will Prevent Further Scotch Mist Attacks

Garth Marenghi’s Darkplace was an English masterpiece that understood the threat of angry Scottish ghosts all too well. Take heed.

Because Andy Murray Is SCOTLAND’S Best Tennis Player, Not England’s

England haven’t won Wimbledon since 1936, but they like to think they did because Murray won in 2013. Screw you, England. Get your own tennis stars.

Because People With Scottish Accents Are Discriminated Against Enough By Siri As It Is

Blatant Scotchophobia.

Because The Bagpipes In ‘Long Way To The Top’ Made It AC/DC’s Best Song Ever

Seriously, that is a major goddamn reason. Look at these middle-aged legends.

Because This Scottish Man Is Afraid Enough Of Spiders Without Worrying About Westminster Too

Fair enough. Spiders have eight legs! Who wouldn’t be afraid of something with eight legs? Eight is too many legs.

Because The Proclaimers’ ‘500 Miles’ Deserves A Nation Of Its Own

Drunken singing would not be the same without “Da da da da! DA DA DA DA!”

Because A Scottish National Anthem Would Be Inspiring As Shit

Scotland doesn’t yet have an official national anthem, but if it votes Yes it’s spoiled for choice. Imagine hearing one of these every time Scotland came over to play rugby. These things makes ‘God Save The Queen’ sound like elevator music.

The lyrics to this second one are basically all about killing an entire British army, so that would be nice and awkward at official functions when the Queen visited.

Give me a minute while I cry some Freedom Tears. Alba gu bràth.