Solange Vs Jay Z: The True Story Comes Out

It’s the question on everyone’s lips: “What should I eat for lunch today?” Geez, I don’t know, do I look like your mum? The other question, just off everyone’s lips, is a bit more appropriate: “What did Jay Z do to Solange to make her beat his arse up?” Thankfully, internet muckrakers are on the case.

According to a source who spoke to the NY Daily News, the fight started after Jay Z tried to head to Rihanna’s after-party alone, which… um, what?

“Two of [Solange’s] friends, who were not dressed for the Met Ball, showed up at The Standard and caused a scene downstairs,” the source said. “They wouldn’t leave and kept name dropping Jay Z. They were pretending they were guests of his and not hers. Management went to Julius (Beyonce’s bodyguard) and said there’s a problem.”

Apparently, Jigga got wind of the situation, was understandably pissed, and told Solange, “Don’t use my name.” The confrontation killed the party vibe, and the group decided to split. Jay Z then made plans to head up the road to Rihanna’s after-party, and told his bodyguard to call ahead saying he would be coming alone and “didn’t need extra security” because Beyonce and Solange wouldn’t be attending.

Unfortunately, Solange was in a party mood. She was in a beautiful gown, she had her hair did, she didn’t wanna go home! We all know how that feels, amirite? “She seemed drunk and irritated,” another source told the NY Daily News. “She said to Jay Z, ‘Why can’t you go home?’ and to Beyonce ‘Why does your husband need to go to the club right now?'”

Jay Z didn’t like the insinuation. “You’re one to talk,” he reportedly replied… and instantly probably wished he hadn’t. Cue, elevator attack.

As far as conspiracy theories go, it’s such a lame story that it’s probably true. 50 Cent has his own interpretation of events, but I can’t understand a word of it so I’ll just leave it here.

In related news that’s come to light since yesterday, Solange spent the days following the incident deleting every photo of Beyonce from her Instagram, which is some hilarious Regina George-ish type nonsense (“You missed one,” her fans helpfully pointed out in the comments section of this pic). Then she grabbed her burn book from underneath her mattress, turned to a fresh page, and scrawled “Beyonce is a fugly slut” across it with her kid’s crayons.

I really wish this story was more exciting.

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UPDATE: According to TMZ, Jay Z took Solange “shopping for jewellery” this afternoon, whatever the hell that means. I guess they’re getting married? Happy wedding, Solange and Jay Z. I don’t know how you got Beyonce to agree to this.