The Five Best Amazon Reviews Of Cory Bernardi’s ‘The Conservative Revolution’

"As a dachshund, I can't actually read this book or any other, but I thank Corgi Bernardi from the bottom of my heart..."

Senator Cory Bernardi — the climate change-denying Islamophobe you might remember from his calls last month to cut the ABC’s budget or, a year beforehand, when he helpfully linked gay marriage to bestiality — has climbed out from under his bridge again this week. And this time he’s offended nearly everyone at once.

In his new book The Conservative Revolution, Bernardi labels pro-choice advocates as “pro-death”, decries women for using abortion as “an abhorrent form of birth control”, calls for stronger religious influence in Australian politics, rails against the “green agenda”, demands a return to John Howard’s more “flexible” workplace laws, rants against euthanasia and surrogacy, and claims that all types of non-traditional families — single parents, step families, same-sex couples, you name it — lead to “social chaos”.

“Given the increasing number of ‘non-traditional’ families, there is a temptation to equate all family structures as being equal or relative,” he trembles. “Why then the levels of criminality among boys and promiscuity among girls who are brought up in single-parent families, more often than not headed by a single mother?” Take that, single mother! Your son is a crook and your daughter’s a slut!

In the book — which, to be fair, appears to be trolling the Coalition almost as much as it’s trolling the rest of us — Bernardi calls for a “reversal back to sanity and reason”. A simpler time, when women had no agency over their bodies, the working class had no negotiating power, couples were forced to stay married, the environment was our plaything, church and state were one, and Bernardi was gifted a giant golden throne from which he could urinate over us all.

Opposition leader Bill Shorten has called Bernardi’s claims “offensive“, and even Tony Abbott has distanced himself from his views. But that’s got nothing on Amazon’s response.

So far there are 80 reviews on offer, and almost all of them are excellent.

Like this one, from a sausage dog:


This one, which reviews it as “Dada eroticism”:


This one, from a Bea Arthur fan:


This one, which reimagines the entire thing into something a whole lot more palatable:


And this one, from a disappointed jam enthusiast:


To read all the rest, click here.



  1. An American Patriot says:

    Tony Abbott is still the Prime Minister of Australia. He got there because the people woke up to your lies and elected him. Looking at that global warming “expedition” that got caught in a huge mess of supposedly non-existent Antarctic summer ice, it is plain to see that those who supported the carbon tax (a foolish tax which, as we all know, Mr. Abbott cut) have a lot of egg on their faces.

    So, whilst you have a group hug over your 600 snarkbomb conquest of a book review, please understand that you are in a shrinking minority. Liberty and honesty never go out of style, and looking at the last election, it appears that your countrymen have finally gotten on board with those ideas. For the good of your families, communities, selves, and country, I suggest you follow their lead.

    You may now return to your regularly scheduled echo chamber.

    Good day.

  2. Georgia says:

    Actually you’ll find many Australians are regretful and can’t wait to vote Abbott out.

  3. Erin says:

    Exactly. Why on earth would it be good thing to support a Prime Minister whose ideas on living, including a woman’s place in the world, date back to the 50s, is fiercely against minorities having rights and doesn’t believe in scientific facts? I’m fairly sure being intelligent about it and fighting for what you believe is better than ‘lying down and taking it’, or even worse, actually supporting him when you don’t agree. While Abbott was voted in, you’ll find that most people with brains voted against him, and the ones who voted for him were less for his actual ideas and more just being sick of the other major party who had gone through a whole lot of nonsense with a leadership battle.

  4. PuffyTheMagicDragon says:

    It may come as a shock to you, but women vote in Australia. Some of them even voted for the religious nutter Tony Abbott, but vote they did. And we don’t the patriots thing in Australia, because usually they turn out to be weirdos.

    Go and hug your gun.

  5. Ali2044 says:

    Hate to break it to you but 45% is not a majority of Australians.

  6. shayneo says:

    Yeah polling has put him as the fastest drop in public support in history. That is to say NEVER have people started to regret a vote so quickly.

    Thing is, Australians just aren’t that conservative. We’re a bit shitty when it comes to race, but so are the dutch, probably the most liberal people on the planet. We’ll get that sorted out eventually.