Culture

The Daily Telegraph Shirtfronts Putin, Keeps Giving Australia An Excellent Name

Completely ignores historic, world-changing climate agreement between China and US.

by Luke Ryan  13 November 2014

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Look, we all know that these days the Daily Telegraph is less a newspaper than it is a soiled napkin, but even so sometimes they’ll whip out a front cover that causes you to pause what you’re doing and just quietly marvel at the fact that a collection of presumably tertiary-educated adults sat around a meeting table and said “Yes. This is the best we can possibly do. Congratulations everyone. Let’s clock off.” This is one of those days.

Has anyone at the Daily Telegraph actually seen a Russian flag?

Has anyone at the Daily Telegraph ever actually seen a Russian flag?

I have many questions relating to this front cover, not least of which is how anybody involved with putting together The Daily Telegraph can look at their lives with anything more than a mix of revulsion and self-loathing. It must be difficult carrying the burden of knowing that every part of your job is dedicated towards making the world a worse, more hate-filled and ignorant place, so in some ways I admire the mental fortitude it must require to get up every morning and spend eight hours or more doing just that.

More specifically though, I want to know how much they’re paying their Photoshop guy, because whatever it is, they deserve more. I mean, if you want a rationalisation for this rag’s continued existence then these cut-and-paste miracles are probably it.

For instance, here’s their depiction of Putin “puttin’ it in” Jacquie Lambie from a couple of months back, which ran with the headline “From Russia With Love”.

Lambie Putin

Tasteful.

Or how could we forget their frankly bizarre riff on Hogan’s Heroes – so cutting edge – from last year’s election?

The Daily sure knows its core demographic.

The Daily sure knows its core demographic.

Or what about this dream-haunting number?

MY EYES.

MY EYES.

Yes, in some ways I think I’ll miss the arch-reactionary, loss-making Daily Telegraph when Rupert Murdoch finally thankfully dies and the squabbling factions left behind decide to burn it to the ground. But then again, in other, more important ways, I really, really, really won’t.

[Although lest we accuse The Daily Telegraph of somehow showing any semblance of independent journalistic nous here…]

#JERNALIZM