Culture

The Daily Telegraph Has Single-Handedly Ensured Tony Abbott Will Never Be Trusted With A Child Ever Again

At this point, News Corp are basically trolling him.

by Meg Watson  31 January 2015

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It’s safe to say that this week has been an all-round shit one for Tony Abbott. And, considering that this week comes after a certifiably horrific year for our beleaguered PM, that statement is certainly saying a lot.

Here’s a quick recap: last weekend he told every Australian “if you don’t want to work weekends, don’t” and practically vaporised his chances of ever being elected by anyone who works in healthcare, hospitality, retail, or emergency services, as well as any member of a union, person who has struggled to pay their rent, and citizen under the age of 25.

The efficiency of that kind of move is almost liberating, isn’t it? Like when you finally stop trying to catch up with that friend you never really liked from high school or end a shitty and dysfunctional long-term relationship. What a clean break. Thank you for your honesty. Let’s never see each other again.

Then, as if he accepted that his end was nigh and decided to go out in a blaze of glory, on Australia Day he knighted a man who once asked a group of Indigenous people if they still threw spears at each other and told a 13-year-old kid that they were too fat to be an astronaut.

Because of this, in the last few days his judgement has being questioned by most of the country, his government has been basically condemned by Rupert Murdoch and his associated publications and, if you believe the hype, his leadership is one backroom meeting away from total dissolution.

Now, The Daily Telegraph have gleefully rubbed salt in the fresh and seeping wounds of Tony Abbott’s Prime Ministership and published an article reporting on the already embarrassing shelving of his signature paid parental leave scheme with a photo that will haunt your dreams forever.

This photo of Abbott and the most unlucky infant in the entire country has in fact been floating around the News Corp database for at least the last two years. They dug it up especially for this occasion. This kid is older now. A toddler. She is old enough to feel emotions like embarrassment and shame.

tele1

Nothing to see here. Very srs news, thanks.

They then followed it up with another picture with a different baby further down in the article because ┌∩┐( -_- )┌∩┐.

tele2

TROLLOLOLOLOLOL.

And, in case this article published in the second most-popular newspaper in the country wasn’t seen by enough people, it was then syndicated to News Corp’s only national title The Australian. 

I think at this point it’s safe to say that News Corp are basically trolling Tony Abbott. The total 180 these papers have pulled in the past 16 months is nothing short of spectacular; like a scorned lover who hacks into their ex-boyfriend’s Facebook account to post embarrassing pictures of him and statuses about eating poo.

Sleep well, kids.

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Feature image: Stuart Mcevoy/The Daily Telegraph. H/t Marieke Hardy.