The BB-8 From ‘Star Wars’ Hit Australian Shelves Today; Here’s What It’s Like To Play With

I’m sitting in a hotel room, clutching a freshly signed non-disclosure agreement, as a tiny BB-8 droid spins and trundles towards me, beeping enthusiastically.

At least, I was a week ago. Today, I’m sitting here clutching my very own BB-8, having pretty much accosted the courier who delivered it ponderously slowly. I mean, come on, guy. It’s Force Friday.

I’m a Star Wars obsessive, and somehow I didn’t know about “Force Friday”: the official unveiling of all the new toys (and several other Star Wars goodies) at a midnight launch. I know several people who heading over to Doncaster in Melbourne to queue up and watch the eighteen hour-long live streaming video of various reveals and unboxings happening all over the world. Merch is a huge deal for Star Wars, responsible for much of the money the franchise makes — and financial analysts reckon this year’s film will see a 200% increase in Star Wars global licensing and retail sales.

There’s a kind of insane fervour for when it comes to Star Wars merchandise, which surprisingly wasn’t dampened even after George Lucas did the equivalent of telling kids Santa had come early with the greatest presents ever, before pelting them with hot turds, repeatedly. Somehow, despite the prequel trilogy and its nauseating molestation of our dreams and expectations, J.J. Abrams has made us believe again. The Force Awakens looks fucking terrific.

Here’s the trailer, in case you somehow missed it:

And whizzing improbably through that maelstrom of joyous carnage? BB-8, a new variety of astromech droid (the ones that plug into your spaceship, for non-Star Wars fans).

Fans were excited after it appeared in the teaser, but after the joyless green screen onslaught of the prequels, they naturally assumed it was CGI trickery… At least, until Mark Hammill vouched for it on Twitter, and the actual droid itself made its unassisted debut to rapturous applause at a Star Wars event in April.

So when I got a cryptic email telling me to come to a hotel room in Melbourne to “see something pretty cool” (no amount of pressing would yield more information), I naturally said: “Yes”.

I rocked up at the hotel, just off little Collins Street, and was met by a very friendly but tired looking PR woman, who made me sign the NDA. She rushed me inside, where a man sat. We were introduced to one another. I asked Jim, with a genuine shake in my voice, whether he was there to give me the pill Bradley Cooper took in Limitless. He paused too long for my liking, and replied with a jovial, “No”.

He then showed me the BB-8 droid, which his company Sphero had been commissioned to develop, and I screamed.

The robot for sale can fit in the palm of your hand — the ball the makes up its “body” is tennis ball-sized — but it’s the personality that made me freak out and chase it around the room. It can’t talk, but expresses itself via beeps, boops, and the mechanical equivalents of squeals of excitement, sighs of dismay, and grunts of confusion. As I ran after it, it appeared baffled by me, beeping and spinning and shaking its head after banging into my ankle.

These sound effects can be cued via Bluetooth and an app, but the toy really comes alive in “patrol” mode, when artificial intelligence sends it wandering about a room exploring on its own, reacting to its context with accompanying movements and noises. If BB-8 is annoyed or interrupted by a person or object, it’ll let you know – in fact, it’d make a pretty decent alternative for people like me who aren’t allowed organic pets in their apartments.

They’re working on voice command capabilities which will be patched over the coming months, and you can use the camera to record your own “help me Obi Wan Kenobi”-style hologram messages which are visible — augmented reality-style — through the phone camera.

So why did I have to get hauled off to a hotel room in the dead of night (it was 6.10pm but you catch my drift) to see this little guy? I’ll tell you why: intrigue. Nothing adds to the impending feeding frenzy of something as financially and culturally gargantuan as Star Wars merchandise like the illicit tang of a nerd like me gloating mysteriously to all of my likeminded friends.

You can’t buy that kind of publicity (I mean, you absolutely can); like an unborn child, this unseen, forbidden, unmanifested Star Wars toy has been, like The Force Awakens itself, an ocean of potential.

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Star Wars: Episode VII — The Force Awakens is released around Australia on December 17. Find out more about the BB-8 here.

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Paul Verhoeven hosts Steam Punks and The Haunting Hour on the ABC, and co-hosts 28 Plays Later. He tweets from @PaulVerhoeven.