Culture

The 17 Best Jokes From This Year’s White House Correspondents’ Dinner

"Let's give it up for the secret service — they're the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot."

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In celebration of the past year’s work, President Obama was joined by key members of the US media this afternoon for the 101st White House Correspondents’ Dinner. And, as always, the event was essentially a real-life Burn Book.

President Obama made a 20-minute address as did this year’s host SNL‘s Cecily Strong; both of whom dished out an onslaught of zingers at politicians and pundits with increasingly passive aggressive smiles. Journalists laughed nervously, the cast of Game of Thrones were there for some reason, and the whole thing was gloriously awkward.

With the 2016 election campaign Hillary Clinton’s world domination lurking on the horizon, this is also notable as President Obama’s second-last time in the firing line. But that doesn’t mean he was saving all his material for next year. Between him and Strong, they successfully covered everything from gender, race, sexuality, and the fact Obama is very obviously a devoted Muslim born in Africa.

You can watch the whole thing in the clips below, but here’s the best burns of the night.

President Obama

He Kind Of Dropped The F-Bomb:

“After the mid-term elections, my advisers asked me ‘Mr President, do you have a bucket list?’ I said ‘Well, I have something that rhymes with bucket list.”

“Take executive action on immigration? Bucket. New climate regulations? Bucket.”

It’s Still Really Easy To Make Jokes About John McCain:

“I’m happy to report that the Secret Service — thanks to some excellent reporting by the White House Correpondents — they’re really focussing on some of the issues that have come up. They’ve finally found a foolproof way to keep people off my lawn.”

lawn

Accurate.

He Had Plenty Of Obligatory Swipes At The Media:

“On SNL Cecily regularly impersonates CNN anchor Brooke Baldwin, which is surprising because usually the only people impersonating journalists on CNN are journalists on CNN.”

Race Was Definitely Also A Thing:

“ABC is here with some of the stars from their big new comdy Black-ish. It’s a great show, but I have to give ABC fair warning: being blackish only makes you popular for so long.”

Then Came The Ultimate Takedown Of Donald Trump:

“Donald Trump is here!”

“Still.”

It’s literally all he said about him. There was both no reason and every reason.

Some Political Truths About 2016:

“Soon the first Presidential contest will take place, and I for one can’t wait to see who the Koch brothers will pick.”

Sick Burns For Rick Santorum:

“Rick Santorum announced that he would not attend the same-sex wedding of a friend or loved one, to which gays and lesbians across the country responded, that’s not going to be a problem. Don’t sweat that one.”

Keegan-Michael Key From Key And Peele Helped With Some Anger:

Best bit:

“We can count on the press to shed light on the most important issues of the day. And we can count on Fox News to terrify old white people with some nonsense. SHARIA LAW IS COMING FOR CLEVELAND, RUN FOR THE DAMN HILLS.”

Bonus: Obama Gave You A New Facebook Profile Picture:

hill

There was a joke about her email account in here somewhere, but I’m gonna let it stand alone.

Cecily Strong

She Was Straight Onto Hillz:

“Feels right to have a woman follow President Obama, doesn’t it?”

BEST JOKE OF THE NIGHT:

“Let’s give it up for the secret service — they’re the only law enforcement agency in the country that will get in trouble if a black man gets shot.”

This woman did not like it at all.

reaction

I swear she stayed like this for a full 10 seconds.

“Are you saying ‘boo’ or are you saying ‘trueeeeee’?”

She Talked Shit About Her Competition:

“Last year’s host Joel McHale proved that speaking at this dinner is an amazing opportunity which can take you from starring on a show on NBC all the way to starring on that same show but on Yahoo.”

Also Fox News, Because Why Not:

“Fox News lost a lot of viewers this year, and may they rest in peace.”

Then Came A Quality Stand For Feminism:

“Since I’m only a comedian, I’m not going to tell you guys how to do politics or whatever, that would be like you guys telling me what to do with my body. I mean, can you even imagine?”

A Daunting (Probably Accurate) Vision Into Hillary’s Downtime:

“Hillary’s campaign slogan is ‘It’s your time’, which I assume is what she says into a mirror while deadlifting 200 pounds.”

An Important Pledge For The Media:

“I solemnly swear. Not to talk about Hillary’s appearance. Because that is not journalism.”

And This Thing, Which Probably Shouldn’t Have Been As Funny As It Was:

“Your hair is so white now it can talk back to the police.”

obama2

Oh. Oh jeez. Mr President? Mr President, calm down.