Supreme Leader, Alpha Male And Sex God Vladimir Putin Has Been Voted Russia’s ‘Man Of The Year’ For 15 Years Straight
Second place went to 'Hard to say, no answer'.
Oh, joyous day! He may have missed out on the top gong with TIME, but after an annual survey of 1,500 Russian citizens conducted by the Public Opinion Foundation, Vladimir Putin has been crowned as Russia’s ‘Man of the Year’ once more. After steadfastly holding the title since 1999 (the year he ascended to power, Putin has again beaten the competition with a whopping 68 percent of the vote. Though six other men — all government-based — were nominated for the prize, the next highest contender was ‘Hard to say, no answer’ with a comparably feeble 17 percent.
Loving tributes are flowing from home and abroad.
Upset of the week! "Putin Wins #Russia's 'Man Of The Year' For The 15th Time In A Row" http://t.co/g34Mrcjb4R via @businessinsider
— John McCain (@SenJohnMcCain) December 16, 2014
Completed just over one week ago, this poll is an especially dramatic victory due to the trying circumstances Russia’s fearless leader has found himself in this year. Not only has he been threatened with a rough shirtfronting from this ungainly brute, he’s been forced to hop over to Crimea and give everyone a good talking to, he’s been blamed with a horrible aviation tragedy for absolutely no reason, and now his economy is crashing (though early sources are indicating that that is in fact also Ukraine’s fault).
This year’s survey participants were also asked for their input on Person of the Year in the fields of sports and culture, but the results were left wanting. Though the nominees included the likes of international greats like Maria Sharapova and much-loved directors, artists and singers, no one achieved figures like Putin. In fact, with no one gaining more than 5 percent of the vote, the winning categories were ‘Hard to say, no answer’ with between 64 percent in the sports category and 75 percent in culture. This presumably comes as a result of citizens being visibly dumbfounded by the lack of Putin’s name on each list.
To make up for this, we’ve collated a list of lesser known facts about Russia’s reigning Man of the Year.
When Putin goes camping, 89 percent of Russian fish leap out of the water just to spend some time with him. Credit: Alexey Nikolsky / Ris Novosti / EPA
62 percent of Russian women who have maintained eye contact with Putin soon achieved multiple orgasms.
Russia's crime rate has now dropped 94 percent from this photo alone.
97 percent of Russians adamantly believe The Fonz was based on Putin.
Animals have been statistically proven to look 82 percent cuter when Putin is around.
77 percent of Russians have admitted to secretly wishing they were this ice cream.
57 percent of Russian shops don't even sell shirts anymore.
ALL HAIL PUTIN.