Shaggy Has A Foolproof Plan To Defeat ISIS, Involving Lots Of Weed And Shaggy Music

Before we get into this, I strongly recommend putting this 2000-era club smash hit on to put you in the right frame of mind:

That’s better. Feels pretty good, doesn’t it? Nice and relaxing. You’re probably not going to up and join a radical terrorist group while this is playing, are you? Bear that in mind as we go forward.

Okay. So. Speaking to the Miami New Times recently, erstwhile reggae fusion superstar Shaggy gave one of the better music interviews you’ll ever read. Besides rehashing his glory days and clarifying the message behind ‘Wasn’t Me’ — it’s not an endorsement of infidelity, apparently, listen to the final verse people — Shaggy has been focused on goings-on in the Islamic State for a while now, and he thinks he might have hit on a solution.

The interview kicks off like this:

New Times: One of your most recent singles is subtly named “Go Fuck Yourself.” Is there anyone you want to tell to go fuck themselves?

Shaggy: ISIS can go fuck themselves. That’s some crazy shit what they’re doing. It’s horrible, man. I can’t see… I don’t get that much hate. I just don’t get that level of evil. I can’t understand it.

Firstly, Shaggy is still making songs and giving them names like ‘Go Fuck Yourself’, which is just spectacular. Second, he seems pretty upset about ISIS, which is entirely understandable — what’s happening in Iraq and Syria is horrific, and there’s very little the average person can do about it.

But Shaggy is not the average person. He’s Shaggy. Hence why, after much careful thought and planning, he has come up with a solution that could see peace in the Middle East once and for all:

“If you’re able to cut a man’s head off, you’re sick. But right, music evokes emotion. So if they’re listening to Shaggy music or reggae music, they’re not going to want to cut somebody’s head off.

“There’re two thing [sic] you want to do when you listen to reggae: You get somebody pregnant, or you’re fucking high. High people don’t want to kill nothing; they want to love. They need to bag some Jamaican weed and distribute it amongst ISIS. I guarantee there won’t be any more wars out there.

“Man, it’ll put them in a vibe. And throw some Bob Marley up in there and there’ll be peace.

“Some of these world leaders need to be stoners though, really.” 

Before you get all high-and-mighty tearing down this admittedly unorthodox peace strategy, how many plans to defeat ISIS have you come up with today? At least Shaggy is TRYING. WHY MUST YOU POO-POO HIS EFFORTS AT DIPLOMACY.

It’s okay. Shaggy’s not fussed by your scepticism. He knows what’s best.