A Sex Worker Teaches Us The Sex Ed We Didn’t Learn In School
Safe is sexy, people.
I’m an independent escort, and as an escort one of the most important things for us is sex ed. Knowing all the secrets of sexual health keeps us safe, and safe keeps us making money.
Here are some important sex ed tips that you probably weren’t taught in school.
Pee Before And After Sex
Peeing after sex has been proven to help avoid yucky UTIs and other similar issues, especially for women. It might seem really not sexy to leave the afterglow to pee, but your body will thank you later.
Know What STIs Look Like
When you start in sex work, a worker who has been around for ages will give you tips on ‘health checks.’ There is even a little red book filed with pictures and info on STIs.
Lets say you’re trawling through Tinder and match with someone, and next thing you know they’re coming over and it’s getting naughty. But they take their pants off and their penis is red or has some small bumps on the skin.
If you haven’t done the research, you might think nothing of this. As sex workers, we do health checks at the start of a booking. This can be a smile and asking the client to drop trow before their shower, or it can be having a really good look before you get busy with their genitals.
According to the World Health Organization, more than 1 million STIs are acquired every day worldwide. There’s even a new strain of gonorrhea that is antibiotic resistant. Before you have sex with someone, you want to look for things like sores, warts, rashes or “thick, cloudy or bloody discharge from the genitals”. If you’re still unsure, you can manipulate the skin of the foreskin back and “milk” their penis a bit to check if their precum is a odd colour or if there is redness. With women, you want to look for similar things: is there redness or any warts and bumps?
Yeah, it’s disgusting to Google this stuff, and some STIs have zero signs that you can actually see, but being informed and knowledgable on sexual health is important, whether you’re a sex worker or a civilian.
For one, don’t let guys talk you into giving blowjobs without a condom, unless you 100 per cent want to or you really trust them. Many STIs can be contracted through oral sex, and have zero symptoms for you to know you are infected. Cover those genitals!
Putting Condoms On Properly
Never let a guy put the condom on. Shockingly, most of the time they’re doing it wrong. Never open a condom packet with your teeth as you could accidentally nick the condom, and always check the expiry!
My little trick to putting it on is to slide it down my finger first to make sure it’s the right side. (Never ever let a guy put a condom on the wrong way and then just swap it around – always use a new one.)
Then slide it on to their penis while gripping the tip, making sure it sits all the way down and there aren’t any air bubbles. You want it sitting perfectly. Like Goldilocks, condoms need to be just right: too big, they can slide off easily, too small and your partner will be complaining they can’t feel anything.
If you’re going from vagina or ass to oral, change the condom. If you are going from vaginal to anal sex, change the condom! Never ever go ATV and back. Also, think about using female condoms– they can be put on about 8 hours before sex, they’re less likely to slip around and can be more comfortable for men.
What To Do When A Condom Slips
An issue you can encounter as a sex worker that is always difficult is a condom breaking or a guy “stealthing”. Stealthing is when a man purposefully removes condoms for any reason while still having sex. This can be slipping it off or purposefully breaking it.
You can avoid this by always keeping a hand down there checking the condom. If the penis goes out of you, like when changing positions, check the condom is still there. The minute your partner ejaculates, put your hand on the base of the condom while they slip out to make sure it doesn’t slip off.
If a condom slip happens the best thing to do straight away is go to your local pharmacy, medical centre or emergency room for PEP and the morning after pill. PEP and the morning after pill must be taken within 24 and 72 hours respectively to be effective. PEP is a course of antivirals to help reduce risk of HIV being contracted. Even if you think the risk of HIV is small, taking PEP can calm the mind.
State Your Boundaries Clearly And Firmly
People get excited during sex. Sometimes they can do something that pushes a boundary without meaning to, and sometimes it’s on purpose.
Make discussing your boundaries the first topic of conversation before getting sexual.
Make discussing your boundaries the first topic of conversation before getting sexual. It can seem boring, but as sex workers it is so important for us and so is it for civilians. Consent is sexy – ask before you cum on a girl’s face, ask before your hand travels to her ass, ask before you do xyz.
If someone crosses a boundary too many times, call them up on it. If they continue to do it, then leave. Don’t give your time to someone who doesn’t respect it.
Beppy sponges literally just look like makeup sponges that can be used as “soft tampons”. You insert them into your vagina while on your period and then can have sex without any blood going everywhere.
Remove them after every time you have sex and you can usually rinse them out and reuse them. Most people boil them. They’re a lifesaver and can be bought online or in most sex shops.
If you’re hooking up with someone for the first time, let a friend know where you’re going and who with. There are even some apps you can use to send an SOS to a friend, or give your exact GPS location. Always be safe and cautious.
As sex workers, we need to know all the little tricks of the trade and be on top of everything safety wise. So should civilians.
Take it from us: safe is sexy!