‘Seven Year Switch’ Recap: What’s The Point Of All This Again?
If the goal was to make people cry, the "experiment" is going very well.
This week everyone is anxiously preparing to meet the “experimental partners” who have been living with their real partners for the past 10 days.
Tim is “restless”. Does this mean he’s actually aware that Jackie will be angry with him? Maybe he does have feelings after all. Jackie can’t sleep either, and Jason voices what we are all thinking: “this whole situation is really strange”.
In his meeting, Ryan tells Jason he’s changed a lot (I feel like they must have cut every scene where that happens?). Jason has apparently had some “big epiphanies” too and is “ready to apologise” to Michelle. The eternal optimist, he asks Ryan: “Are we gonna go on double dates after this?” Maybe they can! And maybe he can also bake a cake filled with rainbows and smiles and everyone will eat it and be happy forever!
Jason gets back from his meeting optimistic about Ryan’s report on Michelle, but Cassie quickly shuts him down. “Michelle didn’t tell me that she misses you,” she says. “She did mention that she fell out of love some time ago”.
Meanwhile, Jackie wakes up “all cray cray” (as Brad puts it) still fuming after finding out that Tim has gotten a tattoo with Tallena. She is still in denial and is kidding herself that it might not be real. “I 100 percent do not think that he got a tattoo”, she says. Then, asking the question we would all like her to answer, she says “why would you go into a tattoo parlour and pretend to get a tattoo?” She is definitely not excited to meet Tallena.
When they meet, Jackie tells Tallena that Brad has cried every single day of the experiment, which Tallena doesn’t seem surprised about at all. Tallena reveals that Tim has left her to sleep on the floor every night. Jackie realises that Brad would never do that; she is starting to think Tim might be a massive dickhead. “We have not shared a bed at all” Jackie tells Tallena, which is a bit awkward as we know Tim jumped into bed with Tallena last week with no pants on.
Tallena confirms that the tattoos are indeed real. She shows Jackie her horrible EHFAR tattoo — the acronym for Everything Happens For a Reason (obviously). Jackie starts having a meltdown as she is convinced that Tim has gotten a tattoo to deliberately make her jealous. I think it’s safe to say it’s a bit of an overreaction but Jackie is adamant that it’s the end of their relationship. “Tim and I are over. Done,” she says. “He can get fucked.”
For the first time on the show, Jackie really breaks down crying. “He doesn’t care about me at all,” she says, which isn’t as shocking as it should be. “I’ve put everything into this relationship… into this business,” she says. To make matters worse, while Tallena consoles her over the tattoos, she looks a little guilty. Jackie still doesn’t know about the massage session and Tim pulling his pants off in the spa. I can only imagine what kind of drama that will incite.
Tim and Brad’s meeting is tense to say the least and it’s entertaining watching it back just to see Tim’s facial expressions. He starts out with a cheeky grin that gets wiped off his face almost immediately. It doesn’t take long before talk turns to the sleeping arrangements, and Tim mentions that he had attempted to jump into bed with Tallena even though she “jumped out pretty quickly”. Brad is livid. “You attempted to sleep with my partner?” he says. Tim then admits to getting in the spa with her and getting tattoos as well. Brad tells him “this isn’t a fucking frat party” and reveals that, if the tattoos are real, Jackie can consider their relationship over. Tim’s face actually falls. For the first time on this series, I feel like Tim might have genuine feelings for another human.
Back at the house, Tim is actually quite sombre. Tallena’s opinion of him has changed, and meeting Jackie has made her realise the consequences of his actions. She tells him that he’s pushed Jackie to breaking point: “You have to realise that you have a lot more issues than you think you have”. Tim feels like Jackie getting annoyed over the tattoo is “petty”, which I agree on, but I think he’s missing the bigger picture here.
Jackie is having a sob on the bed (she needs “time to reflect”), when Brad returns and they talk through their meetings. Brad is overreacting again and blaming everything on Tallena. He is furious about the spa: “the concept of her not thinking about her and us… She should have made the right decision”. She has “betrayed [his] trust”. While he and Jackie are left to sulk/mourn, Tallena wakes up to a birthday surprise from Tim. Presumably desperate to mend his image on the show, he has decorated the house with balloons and cooked her breakfast.
Before the couples reunite, they send letters to their partners to reveal their last thoughts and feelings towards each other. Jason is grovelling towards Michelle: “I totally agree with you.. I never listen. I promise to stop being Mr Right”. Michelle is elated but rightly thinks that they still have a long way to go.
In Tim’s letter, he is adamant that he doesn’t want to lose Jackie. “I nearly spewed at the thought of losing you,” he says. It’s not exactly the biggest effort, but for Tim it seems like a miracle that he managed to state his love at all. Jackie is still pissed that he hasn’t mentioned the tattoo. More importantly, why isn’t Brad annoyed that his girlfriend got a tattoo saying “EHFAR?” I feel like that’s the bigger issue here.
Brad’s letter is tortured and completely contradictory. He is committed to change for Tallena (“you will see that I have seen the light”) but then completely distraught over some of her behaviour like going in the spa (“[I’m] ready to walk out… I’m done. You have broken my heart and my trust”). It seems Brad is again letting his hot temper get the better of him. When he receives Tallena’s sweet letter he realises he is being a jerk again and insists he will have a cheque waiting for the wedding when she returns. If I was her I would keep all the receipts because Brad changes his mind like the weather and it’s even fucking with MY head.
Tim has actually given up the bed for their last night, again realising that he needs to come out of this experience not looking like an epic dickhead. He even admits that it’s “important that I fight for Jackie”. He says he will “fight to the death” to win her over. I’m not sure who he’s fighting here but I can’t see it ending well.
Meanwhile, Cassie and Jason say goodbye. “Thanks for being my buddy… my experimental partner!” Jason says awkwardly.
Jackie announces “We’re going to miss each other” to Brad. “Definitely” Brad replies. LOL.
Tallena is not happy with Brad’s letter. “He clearly hasn’t changed… maybe it could be easier to be single,” she says. Tim thinks Tallena could do better than him anyway. “It’s a joke,” he says. As the Larrikin who’s taken every opportunity to get his dick out in front of women and tattoo dice on his ankle, I guess we’re supposed to take his word at what’s funny.
–
Seven Year Switch airs each Tuesday at 9pm on Channel 7.
–
Megan is a freelance writer based in Sydney. She tweets from @meganjaneandrew.