‘Seven Year Switch’ Recap: Tim Took His Pants Off Again For Some Terrible Reason

As we near the end of this reality TV series/televised therapy session, the contestants are getting a little bored and seem keen to go home.

Jason and Cassie are voicing their insecurities about their relationships with partners, Michelle and Ryan. Jason hasn’t had sex with Michelle in months and seems to be realising how uncommon this is (in a past episode, Michelle revealed that she has used withholding sex as a weapon against him). Cassie agrees that it’s not healthy and reminds him that this issue highlights other areas of discontent in their relationship. She talks about the practicalities of not simply staying together for their children, as negativity from their relationship could invade their children’s lives too.

Jackie and Brad, on the other hand, have some less dramatic cabin fever. Jackie starts the day by doing a workout, followed by foam rolling in the living room. Rather than work out with her, Brad prefers to lie on the couch. Jackie provokes him by announcing, “you’re going to be annoying today”.

Brad admits “I’ve woken up moody” and tells Jackie her foam rolling “looks like crap”. Jackie takes it as an insult to her fitness business. I kind of understand her attitude too; she is on national television and trying to defend her expertise about her industry. Jackie pushes him to try to talk about the situation, but he walks away repeating “I don’t want to talk about it” over and over. His flawless impression of a five-year-old boy suggests he does not deal with conflict well.

Jackie is a little aggressive and it’s a complete change from the compliance of Brad’s real partner Tallena which, of course, Brad doesn’t know how to handle. The next day he still isn’t talking to her and, ater a chat with the therapist, he finally realises that he’s being insensitive in the same way that he can be with Tallena. Jackie realises that even though Brad is whiny, he’s the “only friend” she has at the moment (and she probably realises she is making bad TV). “Friends again?” she asks in surrender, but Brad only replies “we’ll work on that one”. Way harsh, Brad.

Meanwhile, poor Michelle is gloomy about the end of the experiment and admits it is “a little bit sad”. I think she’s just upset she can’t go horse-riding anymore. She and Ryan deal with their feelings of doubt and unease around their real partners being with someone else. Michelle is still unsure about where her relationship will end up and admits it “could go either way”.

Similarly, Jason and Cassie seem to be spending hours overanalysing possible scenarios about their partners being together. Cassie admits that Ryan “has a flighty personality” and tends to jump from “thing to thing” — and by “thing”, Cassie means women. She reveals that Ryan had actually been caught sending sneaky emails to a girl that he later admitted to Cassie he had feelings for. This gives Cassie’s resentment and jealousy (which at times seemed out of character) new meaning. Her decision to do the experiment also seems quite brave in the face of this history. Cassie admits that if Jason was partnered with Michelle she would “really challenge my relationship.” Little does she know…

Tallena is adamant that she is “going to take control” tonight. Having slept on the floor every night since the start of the “experiment” when Tim claimed the bed as his own — that fucking guy — Tallena goes to bed early and takes it back. Unfortunately there are no locks on the doors andTim enters the room a while later, and jumps into bed beside her without his pants.

The next morning in therapy, we find out that Tallena went back into the living room “after half an hour”. I’m not sure if that half an hour is supposed to leave the viewers wondering but if it is, it works, because I for one would LOVE to know what happened in that time.

Brad and Jackie decide to take a boat trip and “work on their communication skills” but Brad is still sulky from their argument and tells Jackie she is “drama queen 101”. It sort of looks like they’re bonding but I think both of them are too stubborn to change and they seem to be determined to be the most un-fun couple on the show.

Jason apparently bought sage a few episodes back in Byron Bay to “cleanse” Cassie’s resentment, which is actually kind of sweet and he symbolically burns it on the beach to help her let go of her pain. Cassie tells him it’s a “really, really sweet thing to do”. Jason thinks they will be “friends for a really long time”. Aww. If they weren’t choking on smoke, it would be a lovely moment. Meanwhile, Michelle and Ryan are also sitting on the beach. Michelle admits she’d rather be poor, and have her partner back, than be what she feels is “like a single mother.”

Eventually, the couples are all sat down and told who their partners have been paired with since the start of the experiment. To make it even juicier, they’re told that they’re going to meet the person their partner has been living with in next week’s episode. They’re also offered photos of their partner’s experiences from their time apart so far. We’re told by the therapist that this is supposed to “keep jealousy in check” but, to nobody’s surprise, it seems like a cheap trick to provoke an emotional reaction for the cameras.

Michelle is completely unconcerned about the photos, but isn’t sure whether that’s not a concern in itself. Cassie refuses to see them and storms out in tears, her imagination running with her. Jackie loses her shit after seeing Tim’s new tattoo and is convinced it’s not real. She threatens, “if that tattoo is real, we are over”. To be fair, it’s not a pretty tattoo and that shit is permanent, so I get where she is coming from.

The therapist asks Tim and Tallena to consider how they’d feel losing their partners. Tim admits it would be like “losing a best friend”. Sometimes if I listen really closely by the speakers in my TV I think I can hear the cogs turning slowly in Tim’s brain. The therapy must be working, because Tallena seems stronger and more confident and she seems more sure about her expectations for the future of her relationship. Time will tell whether this will actually continue to hold up when she’s back with Brad. It just goes to show that sometimes you do need an outsider to help you fix the flaws in your relationships. And, if you can’t afford therapy sessions, you can always subject yourself to Seven Year Switch.

When they are shown the photos of Brad and Jackie’s time together, there isn’t much to see apart from some a couple shots of them dancing. I wouldn’t worry if I were Tallena because Brad has spent the majority of his time on the show sulking. Later, T&T discuss meeting each other’s partners. Tallena is “excited” about meeting Jackie. Tim thinks it’s a good idea to “explain” some of the “mischief” that they have been getting up to. Tallena wisely tells him “for your sake, I’d probably just tone down the sarcasm”. I agree. In the preview for next week, it looks as if Brad is about to punch Tim in the face.

I can’t wait.

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Seven Year Switch airs each Tuesday at 9pm on Channel 7.

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Megan is a freelance writer based in Sydney. She tweets from @meganjaneandrew.