Culture

Quiksilver Now Has A Wetsuit That Looks Like A Real Suit For Your New Amphibious Lifestyle

SYDNEY. GET INVOLVED.

by Meg Watson  26 April 2015

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For too long, surf brands have been forced to market their wares to ageing stoners and self-conscious 13-year-old boys who reek of Lynx Africa. There are only so many people who will fork out $60 for a few thin pieces of polyester tagged with a nonsensical brand name; there are only so many stores you can cram into the Gold Coast and Byron Bay.

Now, Quiksilver has changed the game completely launching the True Wetsuit — a full jacket, pants and tie combo made from the same synthetic material of the average wetsuit. Announced this week in Japan, the product is available in classic black, navy or full tuxedo, it costs around $3,200, and it’s very firmly aimed at a niche group of customers who work in high-powered office jobs, surf often, and enjoy the perverse psychological thrill of making innocent bystanders think they’re drowning.

Even by Japanese retail standards, this thing seems deeply unnecessary — it’s nowhere near as cool as that music makes it out to be, it’s crazy expensive, and it’s really not that different to normal swimwear. That guy definitely rocked up to work trailing huge puddles of seawater while shuffling around the sand and seaweed that inevitably worked its way down next to his junk.

PHYSICS DOESN’T CHANGE JUST BECAUSE YOU’RE WEARING A TIE, GUY.

But here’s the thing: after the past week, this could be pretty great for us in Australia.

Just think of all its possible uses:

Melbourne just did its usual thing and shat all over your work day with venomous ice rain?

WETSUIT.

Sydney unexpectedly delivered Sydney Storm 3: Storm With A Vengeance on your wedding day?

WETSUIT.

You’re feeling a distinctive lack of $3,000 puns in your wardrobe?

WET SUIT.

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The True Wetsuit is only available in the Japanese store right now, but Quiksilver Australia run a messaging service on their website for suggestions and enquiries. Do with that what you will.