Culture

Poo News: A Mystery Jogger Won’t Stop Shitting On A Family’s Lawn

A sticky shituation.

Any day you have to go on TV to ask a stranger to stop doing poo on your front lawn is a bad day. With that in mind, Colorado Springs mother Cathy Budde is having a bad day.

KKTV in Colorado reports that the Budde children first spotted the activewear-clad woman, mid-squat, dropping bombs on their front lawn weeks ago.

“They are like, ‘There’s a lady taking a poop!'”, Cathy Budde said. “So I come outside, and I’m like … ‘are you serious? Are you really taking a poop right here in front of my kids!?’ She’s like, ‘Yeah, sorry!'”

Sorry indeed.

At this point you might be forgiven for thinking that this was a one-off incident. Who among us can honestly say they haven’t suddenly felt the need to back one out half way through a run? We all know the feeling of trying to sprint home — fast, but not too fast — in order to reach the safety of a familiar toilet.

But no, this woman is a serial pooper. So much so that she’s been dubbed “The Mad Pooper” by locals.

“Two other times we’ve caught her — caught her yesterday — she changed up her time a little bit because she knew I was watching,” Budde said.

Budde believes her lawn is being specifically targetted by the pooping jogger.

“I put a sign on the wall that’s like ‘please, I’m begging you, please stop.’ … She ran by it like 15 times yesterday, and she still pooped. There’s plenty of public restrooms less than a block away from where she’s targeting. This is intentional.

Local police told KKTV they’ve never seen anything like it. Same.

“It’s abnormal, it’s not something I’ve seen in my career,” Sgt. Johnathan Sharketti said. “For someone to repeatedly do such a thing… it’s uncharted territory for me.”