The story of a British woman who got trapped in a window while trying to fish out a poo she’d mistakenly placed there while on a first date is already legendary.

If you haven’t read it by now, I strongly recommend that you do. But here’s a basic rundown of events: a young couple goes to Nando’s on a date, then returns to the gentleman’s house to drink wine and watch Louis Theroux’s Scientology documentary, which is an odd choice, but that’s not the point of this article.

The woman excuses herself to go the bathroom, and produces everyone’s worst nightmare: an unflushable turd. Panicking, she attempts the throw the poo out a window, but it gets lodged between two windows that don’t open. She alerts the gentleman, who goes to get a hammer to break the window. But the woman decides to take matters into her own hands by climbing into the window to rescue the poo. She gets stuck, needs to be rescued, and instantly becomes viral gold.

It is a very, very funny story. But it raises many questions, and like all good crises it provides a learning opportunity. Because who among us can truly say they’ve never produced an unflushable turd? Who has not stared down at the bowl in horror, wondering how to get rid of the brown beast contained within?

Junkee turned to Anna Musson, the Director of the Good Manners Company in the leafy Sydney suburb of Mosman for some advice on what to do when faced with a public poo dilemma such as this.

First, What Should The Woman Have Done?

Musson acknowledged that for many women, using the bathroom in public, especially on a first date, is “a harrowing thought”. She says the first option would be to casually ask if there’s a trick to getting the toilet to flush properly.

“We can only imagine her horror when it did not flush,” Musson said. “Her attempts at discretion have horribly backfired, the only other option would have been to perhaps call out to her date and enquire if there was a clever way to flush the toilet that would not require his entry to the room.”

But once that hasn’t worked, honesty is the best policy.

“A problem shared is a problem halved and your friend can hopefully offer assistance and brain power for the problem. The notion of leaving the unflushed loo to alert the host is almost as horrific as the incident itself, but if it won’t flush, ducking out to inform your host is the best way to solve the problem. They will hopefully say, ‘oh you have to kick the tank on the left hand side’ and you’re away.”

Can You Ever Just Leave The Poo Where It Lies?

This is the coward’s way out, but perhaps cowardice is an underrated virtue in some circumstances? Not according to Musson.

“If you are in a public loo or at a party where you don’t know the host, place a square of loo paper over the offending item before you go, [then] try to alert the unsuspecting next person by placing a folded piece of paper in the door or on the loo stating it is out of order,” she says. “At least you will know you’ve done your best.”

Lastly, What’s The Best Way To Make Up For Leaving A Brown Bomber In The Loo?

You have to own your embarrassment, according to Musson.

“Humour is the best defuser and there are an unlimited number of poo references one can squeeze out (see what I did there) before the second date to show you can laugh at yourself. Failing that, Aesop makes a delightful product called ‘Poo drops’ which naturally overpower any unpleasant or unexpected odours in the smallest room of the house.”

So there ya go. Poo in peace, safe in the knowledge that Junkee has got your back.