TV

‘Neighbours’ Update: Willow Rebecchi Is Some Sort Of Blackmailing Genius, Poor Toadie

Can't believe Toadie have her a nickname and this is what he gets in return.

Things are getting mad sneaky in Erinsborough. Was Neighbours always this sneaky? I don’t remember this much double crossing. All I really remember is Karl Kennedy sleeping with people who aren’t Susan Kennedy.

And this time.

Well, I guess that is kind of sneaky. Anyway, in this episode several characters were wondering if they were going crazy or if the world was going crazy which, same. Vaguely threatening things keep happening to Steph Scully, like someone leaving dying flowers on her doorstep. Frightening!!

Meanwhile, Fake Dee is still trying to subtly undermine Toadie’s life. She says things like: “Oh my god Toad, it’s so nice of you to be married to a woman who has another man’s baby in her guts, you are a Toadfish among men, I tell ya!!” and it’s starting to dawn on Toadie that his missus Sonya does in fact have another man’s baby in her guts and maybe he’s not as chill about that as he was in the first seven to eight months of the pregnancy.

He works out these feelings by spying on Sonya in the bushes.

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“Dee, it hasn’t been a problem, my missus is still my missus.”

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“We made life together, haha.”

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“I have decided on my own that this is an issue now.”

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“yay.”

Willow is in the motel playing with her soggy cornflakes, which is highly symbolic of something. Fake Dee is like, “Good grief can you cheer up, you are really bringing the vibe down in my huge and fun identity theft scheme”. Willow thinks it’s weird that Fake Dee is being real sentimental about the fake ring she created for a wedding she never actually attended. Fake Dee does not think this is weird.

Then the door swings open. “DADDY’S HOME!!!!!” says Toadfish Rebecchi, the one and only. “Look Willow, it’s your Papa Toadie!!!” says Fake Dee. “Whatever,” says Willow.

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“IT’S ME PAPA TOADIE, I KNOW YOU ARE EXCITED!!!!”

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You know how Fake Dee was trying to scam Toadie into paying for Willow’s tuition? Well, it worked! “Flying fish, you got into [Insert Fancy Name] Grammar!” says Toadie. Fake Dee is beside herself with happiness, but Willow doesn’t even pretend to care.

“AHHHHH I THINK SHE NEEDS TO GO TO THE DOCTOR,” says Fake Dee.

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“Omg Willow, aren’t you grateful to have a wonderful and generous Papa Toadie, thank your Papa Toadie!!!!”

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“I swear to god kid, you better not cook this kid, I swear to god.”

So Toadie takes Willow to the doctor, because she is too sick to be excited about her admission to [Insert Fancy Name] Grammar. “The doctor says you’re chucking cos of stress Flying Fish, why are you stressed,” he says. “I NEED TO GO TO SCHOOL,” she says, which sounds like a stressed person, that’s for sure.

Toadie is so confused because he used to love skipping school!

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“Willow I don’t get it, why won’t you just go get a Big M at Harrold’s instead Willow.”

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“Do they have a really good tuck shop Willow, is that it.”

Willow runs away and he’s like, “lol kids” but then he turns around and sees Sonya and Mark IN A CAR. The most suspicious, duplicitous and sexy thing you could do with another human being!!! Toadie is suspicious.

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“Bla bla bla babies, don’t tell my husband Toadie.”

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(‘Foolish Games’ by Jewel plays)

Back at Toadfish’s Office of Law, Steph Scully has just come in because during the day she mainly roams the streets, accusing people of sending her vaguely threatening messages with no proof. Toadie is glad she’s going well with her new missus Victoria, but makes constipated faces when he talks about Sonya.

“Were you ever worried that Mark and Sonya were doing it,” he asks Steph. Steph is like “lol no” but she was probably too busy smooching ladies to notice anyway. The Toadfish is not convinced.

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“Steph Scully, you are my greatest friend and I have seen you in the nude, do you think my missus cheats so.”

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“Oh I don’t really think so, I do spent a lot of time kissing other people’s missues though, Toad.”

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“That’s a fair cop Steph Scully, I am suspicious but let’s talk about that instead.”

Meanwhile, Victoria and her ex-girlfriend Ellen are having a blue.”Do you really want our daughter around a psych patient who went to jail and isn’t allowed to see her kid?” says Ellen.

Wait, does she mean Steph Scully? Man, a lot has happened since I stopped watching.

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Steph Scully.

“IT’S OVER!!!” says Victoria. Look, fair enough. I think this is the time I should probably tell you an important detail, and that is that Toadie owns his own business. It’s called ‘Rebecchi Law’. This really thrilled me for some reason. Maybe one day I’ll have my own law firm. Maybe one day you’ll own a Ferrari. Anything is possible now.

Anyway, Toadie is at the offices of Rebecchi Law and he appears to be doing craft at a standing desk. Willow turns up and confides in him that, “sometimes I feel like I’m pretending to be somebody I’m not”. Willow has seemingly told Toadie that she is not actually his daughter in 17 different ways and he does not get it. “Haha, boy do I know what that feels like!” Toadie says. “Ah,” says Willow.

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It’s hard to get anything past this man.

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His name is Toadie and he is a lawyer.

They start talking about Willow having “the hots” for older kids (Toadie’s words, obviously, classic Rebecchi) and Willow is like “I wish I knew you sooner”. Poor Willow :( “I LOVE YOU PAPA TOADIE,” she says. And you know what? She really, really does.

Meanwhile, Steph Scully’s bike has been stolen. She is immediately suspicious.

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“My bike usually sits here.”

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“Methinks me smooching is catching up with me.”

Steph Scully marches to Harold’s. “ELLEN STOLE MY BIKE!!!” she says to Mark, who is always at Harold’s pretending to order coffee. He probably drinks mochas with extra milk. “Steph that sounds crazy but I am a man of the law, let me investigate this,” he says. Mark cancels his mocha and walks next door.

But Steph Scully’s bike IS there! “Was the bike here this whole time,” asks Mark, wondering if they had started making the mocha already. “I guess so,” says a man named ‘Keith’. Keith is now the most important and enigmatic character on the show.

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Keith.

Then Mark goes away, and Ellen appears and is like, “Good work Keith”. Keith is one unflappable motherfucker.

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“Let’s keep this between us, Keith, that’s a good Keith.”

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Keith.

In another eatery, Sonya and Mark are drinking water and being stressed. Sonya is stressed about whether the baby has any “abnormalities”. Mark doesn’t want anyone to know that Sonya is worried about this which, okay. Sonya agrees.

“Yeah sure, it is our baby,” she says. They make gooey eyes at each other. But who is watching from the corner? PAUL ROBINSON, THAT’S WHO!!!

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Aw, shit.

Toadie is minding his own business, having a Big M with Willow and explaining the Essendon doping scandal (I’m not kidding; well done Neighbours writers) when Paul Robinson waltzes in. I like Paul Robinson because he doesn’t waste words. “I saw your missus together with a cop,” he says.

Toadie is bloody flummoxed.

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“They were sitting… on a couch.”

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“That was our thing, I can’t believe Sonya is doing this to me.”

Back at Rebecchi Law, Toadie confesses to Fake Dee that he is suss on Sonya. Fake Dee tries to pretend that she’s not thrilled with the possibility of Sonya dogging him. “It’s easy for people to get the wrong idea,” she says, while making sexy eyes and rubbing his Toadfish shoulders.

But Fake Dee doesn’t have enough time today to seduce Toadfish Rebecchi. She has some other fires to put out. It seems that Willow is mixed up in something to do with blackmailing a teacher and telling other students that she had a fake ID? I’m not entirely sure.

When Susan Kennedy expresses her concerns, Fake Dee is all,”hahaha harmless fun” but then when Willow gets home, she is like, “WILLLLOW!!!!KFJBNVIKGJNB!!!”

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“Kids will be kids, who hasn’t done a little blackmailing for funsies, let’s all relax.”

Willow is like, “I’m not lying anymore my dude” and Fake Dee is like, “fine whatever” and then when Willow goes off for a wee, she rings a local newspaper and does some blackmailing of the teacher who was dobbing on Willow.

Print isn’t dead in Erinsborough.

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“Schmitty, have I got a scoop for you.”

Read our last Neighbours recap here.