Culture

Milo Yiannopoulos Tried To Represent Himself In Court And It Went Terribly

Please enjoy the transcripts.

Pro tip: if you’re going to represent yourself in court, know what you’re talking about. Because when well-known shitbag Milo Yiannopoulos tried to do it, all he did was look like an absolute clown.

Milo is currently in a legal dispute with publishing company Simon & Schuster — he’s mad that they scrapped his book deal after he said some kind words about paedophilia.

In January, they had a hearing at New York’s Supreme Court that was called because Milo wanted to fire his lawyer, in part because of a “break-down” in the pair’s relationship. That’s weird — I can’t imagine anyone ever not getting along with Milo.

But when Milo stood up to declare that he wanted to represent himself, his crazy plan became clear. Some of Simon & Schuster’s financial records were kept on file by Milo’s lawyer, and they were marked “attorneys eyes only” by the court — meaning that Milo himself couldn’t see them.

Milo’s masterplan was to become his own lawyer, therefore gaining access to the documents.

The only problem with that plan? That’s… just not at all how it works.

And it takes all of ten seconds for Milo to get shut down:

There’s a little back and forth that goes on between Milo and the judge, in which Milo keeps losing, before he desperately asks the court for help.

Oh, Milo. It turns out that the proper proceedings for challenging the designation of a court document is to write a letter to the court, before a separate hearing is held.

And everyone was enjoying this latest Milo stuff up a little too much:

This isn’t Milo’s first court-related boo-boo. Last year, Simon & Schuster submitted a bunch of documents to court explaining why they didn’t publish Milo’s book. One of the documents was a scathing version of the manuscript, complete with editor’s notes.

The manuscript included gems like:

  • “Black-dick jokes won’t suffice. They are too glib for a book.”
  • “Throughout the book, your best points seem to be lost in a sea of self-aggrandizement and scattershot thinking.”
  • “Let’s leave ‘cuck’ out of it here.”
  • “The gay chapter: This needs a better central thesis than the notion that gay people go back in the closet.”
  • “You will need to develop a stronger argument against feminism than saying that they are ugly and sexless and have cats.”

For Milo, this new court trouble is another nail in his coffin – they mark almost a year since his endorsement of younger boys and older men having sex resurfaced. He didn’t just lose his book deal out of that – he also lost his job at Breitbart.

Later in 2017, news broke that he had sought out the opinion of bona fide white supremacists for a favourable article he wrote about the alt-right. There was also some footage of Milo doing the Nazi salute alongside Richard Spencer, the crazy neo-Nazi who once got punched in the face on TV.

You can read the full court transcript here.