A ‘Men In Black’/’21 Jump Street’ Crossover Exists, Here Are Some Other Combos We Want To See

Well, it’s been confirmed: Sony is making a Men In Black and 22 Jump Street crossover movie called MIB 23. That film that you thought you invented in the hazy space between sleep and waking, or that hazy space between sobriety and ah, non-sobriety, is actually a real life thing that a Hollywood studio is pumping millions of dollars into. Huh.

MIB 23 will star Channing Tatum and Jonah Hill, but will not star Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones, presumably because they’re too old to deal with this bullshit anymore. This is the kind of thing that you can easily accept if you don’t think about it too hard (Hey, a funny movie about two guys! Two guys in law enforcement!) but then when you think about it for more than 30 seconds, the connection makes no sense (They’re both movies? They’re both movies with humans in them?).

In this postmodern age, maybe this is where the future of cinema lies: smashing together two things that people like, and praying to god that it works out — just like Peanut Butter Oreos! Combining different, well-loved film universes and melding them as one seems unoriginal and unnecessary, but this is the future. No media property is obsolete, everything is relevant at all times, nothing is real but also everything is too real.

It’s time we made peace with it. It’s time that we accept that new films just don’t have as much currency as old ones. It’s time that we pitched some ideas and made some money off this thing:

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How To Make An American Quilt x Fight Club

Winona Ryder goes home to her grandmother’s house, to rejoin her quilting group and reconnect with her roots. Little does she know that her grandmother has actually started a secret no-holds barred Ultimate Fighting-style society, in which elderly women exorcise their pent-up aggression and raw fury at their patriarchal oppression.

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Requiem For A Dream x School of Rock

A chilling look at addiction and the depths of human destruction and longing, with a heartwarming redemption arc about a drug-addled music teacher, a group of ragamuffin children and a love of good old fashioned rock ‘n’ roll!

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Clueless x The Shawshank Redemption 

Cher Horowitz is a normal teenager living in Beverley Hills — that is, until she goes to jail for the murder of her very best friend Dionne and that stepbrother that she’s strangely attracted to. Did she do it? As if! However in lock up, the friendship she makes with an elderly man called Red, will surely melt your heart.

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Forrest Gump x American Psycho

Forrest has seen a lot of things — the war in Vietnam, the assassination of JFK, and the innards of unsuspecting visitors to his sparsely decorated Manhattan apartment. “Momma says life is like a box of chocolates,” he says. “Now watch me as I throw this chainsaw down a staircase and cut you clean in two”. A complex story about lost love, and a truly unforgettable character who taught the world to smile.

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Titanic x Can’t Hardly Wait

Preston Meyers is desperate to tell Amanda Beckett how we really feels; he’s be pining for her for years after all, so she must feel the same way! As he sees her hanging off the bow of a a ship, dodging falling passengers as they’re flung into the ocean, he decides that it’s time to take his final shot. Will Amanda return his affection? Or will she turn cold on him, like the jagged icebergs that will ultimately tear their flesh to threads? A true coming of age film that stays with you for a very, very long time.

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Gone Girl x He’s Just Not That Into You

Not that different.

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Crash x Love Actually

Different people, different experiences, different love stories that are simultaneously uplifting and emotionally crippling, are intertwined together in this Christmas classic. As their stories play out, it becomes clear to the audience that while this first appears as warming and pleasant as an English muffin, it eventually reveals every character’s deeply ingrained and irreparable racism. A favourite with a cup of eggnog and some pressie opening!

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The Breakfast Club x Saw

Five teenagers. One afternoon. One room. Two hacksaws. One pig mask. Two poisoned cigarettes. One day they are never going to forget.

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The Notebook x The Human Centipide

Noah and Allie having passionate arguments all the time, which must mean that they’re meant to be together! But when Allie’s family breaks them up and Noah goes off to fight the Nazis, it seems as though they will never reunite again. However, in the trenches Noah comes up with a foolproof plan to keep them ‘connected’ until the end of their days. You will not BELIEVE the twist!

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