Meet The GolfBoard, A Skateboard For The Golf Course And The Whitest Thing To Ever White
Somewhere your dad is crying joyous tears.
Sweet white Jesus. I thought we reached Peak White already this week with Todd, the fun-loving dude cruising around town lookin’ for some girls to have a great time with. How wrong I was. Todd would love this shit so much he’d spill his Starbucks all over his PLR.
Meet the GolfBoard, the electric skateboard you can ride around on the golf course you own! It’s like a golf cart, only you ride it like a snowboard and there’s no room for your golf clubs or any shred of dignity. Here’s a helpful explainer video, set to a really chill Coldplay mix.
Look how happy the white people are! Look at them go! So majestic as they sweep across the rolling plains of their natural habitat, the fourteenth fairway, the wispy hair on their be-shorted legs singing merrily on the breeze:
Marvel as they cavort and swoop! More graceful than an SUV weaving through a pack of Bondi schoolchildren! Lighter than the foam on a no-fat babycino! More aerodynamic than a sweater-vest thrown cavalierly o’er the shoulder!
I’m being too harsh on this thing; it looks genuinely well-made and designed, and it probably makes golf a whole lot more fun than golf otherwise would be. Additionally, if you’re so invested in golf you’re actually considering purchasing one of these things, you’re way past worrying whether it makes you look like a dork. At least when the Revolution comes and you’re fleeing from the cannibalistic proletariat hordes, you’ll have a slight head-start on those of your chubby compatriots who are relying on their milky-white, underformed calf muscles to escape.
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Feature image via Golf Board/Facebook.