Livvie The Circus Monkey Is Running Wild In Sydney And Has Taken Over The Internet
You could say it's going...bananas.
Sometimes a story so perfect comes along that the world stops, just for a moment, to reflect on its common humanity. And sometimes a monkey can remind us of how human we really are. So it was today, when Livvie the circus monkey escaped from a circus, and into history.
For those of you as yet unenlightened, Livvie escaped from the Lennon Bros Circus grounds in Arncliffe yesterday afternoon, and has not been seen since. According to news reports — and this is an actual quote from an actual policeman — Livvie was riding on the back of a pony when she saw an open door, “tasted freedom” and made a run for it. That line comes from St George Police Inspector Rob Stark, and the fact that we have a police inspector in Sydney named ‘Rob Stark’ is somehow the least amazing part of this whole saga.
Twitter, being the Hydra of perpetual insanity that it is, has lifted Livvie onto its shoulders and declared her the new Queen of Everything. She even has a Twitter account of her own.
FREE AT LAST! #LivvieTheCircusMonkey
— Livvie the Chimp (@LivvieChimp) July 21, 2014
Livvy applies for new job at The Australian #chimp pic.twitter.com/pD3Ti7YXii
— Kemal Atlay (@kemal_atlay) July 21, 2014
Politicians reacted with horror and shock at the news, which threw Australia’s political institutions into uproar:
Premier Baird has released a statement “The Government of the great state of NSW is tough on apes, tough on the causes of apes.”
— dann olan (@dannolan) July 21, 2014
Mr Hockey: “We’re going to need to institute a budget emergency, the ape has absolutely torn this one to shreds’
— dann olan (@dannolan) July 21, 2014
George Brandis QC has pointed to the Ape’s escape as justifying expanded powers for ASIO. “We could have prevented this”
— dann olan (@dannolan) July 21, 2014
It is not yet clear what Livvie’s destination or ultimate motives are, but it is fairly safe to assume she is headed for the Blue Mountains, where she will gather to her the ostracised and downtrodden primates of the world, there to rebuild society as it should be — as it must be.
And when Livvie and her army of hyper-intelligent super-apes emerge from their mountain fastnesses to Sydney’s west and descend upon this corrupted city with all the fury they can wield in their simian fists, we will know the debt is paid.
Godspeed, Livvie. Godspeed.