“Life Is A Dog Train You Just Have To Ride,” And Other Important Lessons We Learned From Animal Videos In 2015

Time is a flat circle, a year is an arbitrary portion of time snipped off from the long trudge you call your life, and your life is basically spent watching videos of animals doing stuff. So – let’s all review the animals that managed to impart a lesson to us through their antics, hopefully leading you to become a better version of yourself in 2015.

As always: be the person your dog believes you are.

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#10: Dog Climbs Ladder

Did 2015 feel like you were trying to climb up a ladder, but without the evolutionary apparatus needed to do that with any sense of ease or grace? Let’s not focus on the struggle; let’s learn from this strong dog who overcame all the odds and climbed up that goddamn ladder anyway.

Why does the dog need to get up the ladder? What’s up there? How does he get back down? This is all superfluous. You are that dog. You made it. Your shoulder muscles are insane.

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#9: Cat Knocks Shit Off Table

Are you some kind of badass who straight up destroyed things this year? The way I see it, the world is a coffee table covered in irritating cups — the glass ceiling, racism, giant milkshakes full of other foods — and we need more cats who are happy to look us straight in the eye as they push them off the edge.

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#8: Puppy Chases Its Own Leash

Keep on pushing that envelope, buddy; keep running around the same circle, seeking out the same impossible goals, while a dopey older person watches you with bemusement. You might not get any closer, of course, but you’re giving it your best go — and even if you do catch the prize, it’s literally a leash around your neck.

So maybe the real lesson is: stop trying.

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#7: A Very Slow, Angry, Horny Tortoise

This video taught me that if I hear people having sex, I shouldn’t track down the noise and interrupt the act, lest I be very slowly chased away. But also maybe this video is about respecting other people’s privacy and understanding boundaries.

In 2016, let’s all endeavour to be the slow horny tortoise, and not the nosy British man.

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#6: ‘Dang,  That’ll Do For A Dog Train’

Look, seeing a bunch of barrels and immediately thinking “I will tow nine dogs behind my tractor in them” is the kind of innovative, blue sky thinking that we should all aspire to. Life is a dog train, and you have to ride it.

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#5: Cool Dancing Dog

Did other people steal the limelight this year? Were your efforts under-appreciated? Dancing dog knows how you feel. She has to watch banal, talentless people take all the attention with some weird body roll, while she’s dancing her little heart out in the background.

Chin up, dancing dog: 2016 will be your year.

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#4: The Amazing Flying Cat

It’s great to expand your horizons and see new things and challenge yourself; as this hang gliding cat has taught us, even cats can fly. (What’s next? A cat showing kindness without any reciprocal reward?)

It’s not about the destination; it’s about the journey.

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#3: Why Can’t We Be Friends

Maybe you learnt this year that you don’t have to keep a bad friendship going. If there’s a person in your life who makes you feel bad about yourself, hurts you, or encourages behaviour you don’t want to take part in, you don’t have to keep them around.

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#2: Between A Rock And A Comfortable Place

Feel stuck in 2015? I understand. But it’s how you dealt with that feeling of stagnation — that slow, day-to-day paralysis — that counts. Did you freak out, or did you just accept that there’s some things you can’t change, like this dog?

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#1: No More 2015

Or maybe 2015 is a mean old bird and you are running away as fast as possible.

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Patrick Lenton is a writer of theatre and fiction. He blogs at The Spontaneity Review and tweets inanity from @patricklenton.