Let ‘The Roast’ Explain Just How Badly The Government’s Going To Screw The Great Barrier Reef

A couple of days ago leading scientists from the Australian Academy of Science came out swinging against the government’s draft 2050 Reef Plan, the Department of the Environment’s big effort to stop the Great Barrier Reef from turning into the world’s largest fish graveyard.

Unfortunately for the Reef, that document is about as useful as…something that…isn’t very useful. Damn it, I had something for this. According to AAS Fellow Professor Terry Hughes, the Plan is missing a few minor details; namely, it’s “almost silent on the issue of climate change”, and is similarly lacking when it comes to the “unprecedented amounts of dredging for coal ports” being planned on Queensland coastlines that adjoin the Reef.

“One of the key goals of the draft plan is to ensure that four new mega-coal ports are developed along the Great Barrier Reef”, Hughes told AM, presumably while jabbing a homemade simulacrum of Greg Hunt in the eye with a knitting needle.

Turns out, though, it’s no coincidence that the Reef Plan report shies away from mentioning climate change or addressing the blatantly obvious fact that building massive coal ports next to a World Heritage Listed coral reef is potentially a bad idea. As the ABC’s The Roast pointed out on Tuesday, two members of the board that came up with the Reef Plan have financial interests in coal ports.

Simon Copland did a pretty excellent job of outlining why the Reef Plan is garbage back in June,  but knowing that the people in charge of protecting the Reef from environmental destruction are the same people who make money off doing stuff that destroys it is a good bit of knowledge to have when the “Things That Are Fucked” round comes up at your next trivia night.