Justin Bieber Seems To Be Spending Most Of His Australian Trip Stuck In Awkward Interviews With Middle-Aged Men

Our country's mainstream media continues to be both ludicrous and mortifying.

Beloved 21-year-old superstar/ridiculed dancing child-man Justin Bieber has been in Australia for the past few days, and the hype’s been predictably ridiculous.

On a mission to promote his new single ‘What Do You Mean’ and tease his upcoming album, Bieber teamed up with Fox FM for a rooftop concert in Melbourne on Monday, and this morning took over an entire island in Sydney with Sunrise.

Through all this, and amidst controversy, he’s been treated to the constant support of a dense carpet of female bodies.

“You’re welcome, ladies.”

But, as was the case with Amy Schumer and Bill Hader’s visit earlier this year, the most entertaining aspect of the whole thing has been the reaction from Australian media. Once again in a tizzy to play it cool with a high-profile international celebrity, and constrained by limited access on his short trip, most radio and TV hosts have offered particularly cringe-worthy interactions with the pop star. Better yet: they’ve almost exclusively been dorky, middle-aged men.

Here’s a few of the best so far:

David Koch (Who Was 38 Years Old When Bieber Was Born)

Scoring what was probably the most decent time with the singer while he’s in the country, Sunrise presenter Samantha Armytage and jovial sea manatee David Koch spoke to Bieber for around ten minutes on stage before his show at Cockatoo Island this morning. Covering topics like his new single, his momentous fame and his recent legal troubles, the pair did a fairly good job. But as time wore on (and the 1,200 young fans grew increasingly impatient), things got a little weird.

Here they are: just three best friends having a selfie!

Here they are: just three best friends learning how selfies work on live television with their back to more than 1,000 people!

Here they are: two best friends asking another best friend to do a scene from a movie that came out when he was seven years old!

BIEBER’S BLUE STEEL! Be still, our beating hearts… Full interview coming to our website soon! #BieberOnSun7

Posted by Sunrise on Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Peter Helliar (Who Was 19 Years Old When Bieber Was Born)

Though totally self-aware of how ridiculous the situation was, Peter Helliar’s interview produced pretty similar results. Sitting against a fake graffiti backdrop (because Melbourne, you guys), Helliar spoke to a notably disinterested Bieber about #theladies, his new music video, and the music industry in general.
The only time Bieber smiled or looked directly at his face was when he was given the chance to make fun of Helliar’s “dadbod”.

Justin BieberResident Belieber Pete sits down with the one and only Justin Bieber! #TheProjectTV

Posted by The Project on Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Fitzy And Wippa (Who Were 17 and 15 Years Old When Bieber Was Born)

You know that thing where you and your mate who used to be on Big Brother dress up like The Wiggles and make a petrified child pose with you while throwing gang signs?

What about that thing where you (a 36-year-old adult man) ask Justin Bieber (a hugely successful 21-year-old musician) to tell you about his sex life, before pretending to be a young female virgin and asking him to hit on you?

Nope. Me neither. This should not have happened.

Kyle Sandilands (Who Was 23 Years Old When Bieber Was Born)

Though it’s not clear if they were actually invited, Kyle Sandilands and Jackie O tagged along to the Bieber Island event this morning and stole some time with Bieber as well. The full interview is yet to go online, but here are some tasty sneak peaks.

This beautiful portrait of Justin Bieber passing a gall stone:

This well-chosen snapshot of Justin Bieber looking very engrossed with the conversation:

This terrifying clip of Kyle Sandilands whipping his shirt off and Justin Bieber celebrating with a painfully overused phrase from a movie that came out when he was eight:

Kyle STRIPS for Justin BieberFUN morning with Justin Bieber on #BieberIsland! “Get in ma belly”!!

Posted by Kyle and Jackie O on Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Hamish Blake’s Dad (Who Was Already Middle-Aged When Bieber Was Born)

Perhaps predicting this trend, Hamish and Andy just chose to take it to its natural conclusion. Here’s Justin Bieber playing table tennis with Hamish’s surly old dad who does not give one single fuck about him.

I can’t fault it.

The Blake Bieber Cup | Hamish’s Dad VS Justin BieberJustin Bieber is good at table tennis, but is Hamish’s Dad better? The international sporting event of the century… The Blake Bieber Cup.

Posted by Hamish & Andy Tuesday, 29 September 2015