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Election 2013: The Official Junkee Drinking Game

You know what we all need tomorrow night? Lots of booze. Junkee’s drinking game experts, Eliza Cussen and Erin Turner, have ensured that no matter who wins, we’ll all feel like shit in the morning.

At 6pm grab the Drinking Game Rules and/or our printable Bingo Card by Katrina Milazzo (download it in high res here), flick on the ABC, and prepare for the nation’s fate to be decided the only way Australia know how: through booze.

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JUNKEE ELECTION DRINKING GAME

WHAT YOU NEED:

  • A huge selection of standard drinks: wine, beer, G&Ts, sangria — whatever your pleasure
  • A smaller selection of spirits, for shots
  • The drink you drank back in 1999
  • 1 bottle vodka
  • 1 bottle crème de menthe
  • Shitty wine
  • Champagne

HOW TO PLAY:

  1. Divide your friends into two teams: Labor and The Coalition. (This doesn’t have to align with who you voted for; draw names out of a hat.)
  2. Lose a seat, take a sip. The more marginal a seat, the more you drink.

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Lower House Rules:

Drink One Finger (A Sip) If Your Party Loses One Of These Seats:

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Drink Two Fingers (A Gulp) If Your Party Loses One Of These Seats:

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Down Half Your Drink If Your Party Loses One Of These Seats:

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Finish Your Drink/Take A Shot Of Spirits If Your Party Loses One Of These Seats:

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If an Independent or Greens candidate wins a Lower House seat, both teams must take a double shot.

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Upper House Rules

Drink each time your opponent wins a Senate seat.

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If an Independent, Green or minor party wins a Senate seat, both parties take a double shot. 

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The Cup Of Civic Responsibility

For every lost seat, splash a little of whatever you’re drinking in a central cup (or bucket; we’re not above using buckets). 

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Bi-Partisan Penalties

The Turn-bullshot: If a team member goes half an hour without a drink, give them a shot for biding their time.

The Tanya Triplesec: Allocate a drink to a person on the opposing team every time your party says something sensible about policy.

The Go Back To Where You Came From: If Pauline Hanson wins her Senate seat, drink whatever you were drinking in 1999.

The Never Even Saw It Coming: If the Palmer United Party wins a seat, everyone downs an iceberg: two shots vodka, one tablespoon crème de menthe.

The Shitfaceless Man: Close your eyes and point to a person in the room every time Bill Shorten mentions the future of the Labor party; the person pointed to must to do a shot.

The Bottom Of The (Wine) Barrel: For every mention of asylum seeker policy, allocate a glass of shitty wine to the person on your right. Because that’s the direction everyone seems to be heading.

The Latham: If you instigate physical violence, everyone on your team has to take a drink.

The Sophie MiraBollinger: If Sophie Mirabella loses Indi, champagne for all!

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Calling The Winner

Congratulations, you are now the Government! You must nominate a leader to drink from The Cup Of Civic Responsibility. (If this is the ALP, you are allowed to change leaders at any time until the cup is empty.)

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Erin Turner and Eliza Cussen are both professional drinking game writers who also happen to work in communications advocacy.

Kat Milazzo is an education specialist, whose field of expertise focuses on the correct ratio of gin to vermouth in the perfect dry martini.

  • N a t a s h a

    Brilliant.

  • Eliza Cussen

    Look, it’s me!