Jon Stewart Wants You To Help Him Buy CNN For Ten Billion Dollars
Spare some change?
Everyone’s favourite old phone-hacker Rupert Murdoch is trying to buy Time Warner because, much like certain varieties of jellyfish, Murdoch needs to consume smaller media outlets and absorb their strength in order to stay alive. While Warner turned Murdoch’s $80 billion bid down, the billionaire tycoon and closet vampire hasn’t given up; if News Corp does acquire Time Warner, CNN will need to be sold off to avoid competition with FOX News.
Come in Jon Stewart, who announced awesome and definitely real and not-fake plans to crowdfund an attempt to buy CNN for the low, low price of $10 billion.
Like any good crowdfunding project, donations come with rewards; a donation of $5 million will get you two weeks worth of coverage while you hunt for your keys, and if you stump up $1 billion towards the project, you get to pitch all the CNN hosts against each other in a ‘Hunger Games’-style murder contest.