The good nerds of Reddit may have identified the casting of Rhaegar Targaryen in this final streftch of beloved dicks and dragons show, Game of Thrones.

Since Game of Thrones debuted on our screens 25 years ago (or so it feels), Thronies have been seeking the answer to the oldest question in the book: who’s your daddy? And by ‘your’, I mean famous bastard Jon Snow. They are frothing to discover the identity of the sad-boy’s dad.

The most popular (and pretty-much confirmed) theory is that his father is Rhaegar Targaryen, which has all sorts of consequences and meanings — mostly about who Jon is safe to bone, and whether or not he is legally entitled to sit on the titular throne.

Due to a deep critical analysis of an actor’s Twitter account, it’s theorised that the actor Wilf Scolding will be playing the role of Jon Snow’s absent father figure, which is fine. If nothing else, he has the name for it. “Jon, pull your head in ya drongo, don’t go South!” he will scold.

However, because I care deeply about our furry emo prince, I would like to propose some other casting options to HBO for the role of Jon Snow’s dad. If anyone deserves a classic TV dad, it’s the coldest unhappy baby in Westeros.

---

Sandy Cohen – The O.C.

For one thing, they share similar eyebrows and that’s exciting. I also think he would be a gentle and positive role-model to Jon, and the poor shivering child needs some wise and mildly funny encouragement.

And look, I understand the chasms of unrealism that we must cross to get here. Not only am I proposing a crossover from naughties teen hit-show The OC with medieval-era fantasy Game of Thrones, I am also somehow suggesting that in the show, Rhaegar Targaryen didn’t die many years earlier, and will actually get to spend time with his stupid handsome child. Heavens forbid that a show which has DRAGONS and ICE ZOMBIES and SCARY WOMB SHADOWS could possibly be fantastical enough to show a warm father/son relationship.

Can you imagine Sandy wiggling his thick eyebrows suggestively at Jon across one of those big wooden tables where they do all their strategy meetings, because Dany is being beautiful and powerful? And Jon is all like “daaaaaaaaaad” and his big pouty mouth does a frown, but that only makes Sandy waggle his eyebrows even more? Can you even stand it?

---

Keith Mars – Veronica Mars

Sometimes Jon Snow is a bit bloody useless, and it’s annoying to watch. All of his decisions are mostly garbage, unless Sansa is around to slap him into order. That’s why I think Keith Mars would be a great daddy for Jon Snow. Keith Mars is the sneaky, efficient and deceptively mild mannered dad from Veronica Mars.

Now, I’m not going to do a disservice to Veronica by putting the credit for her sheer awesomeness squarely on her dad, but Keith did allow her to blossom into the best character on TV by being a very good dad. Plus, I feel like a lot of problems in Westeros could be solved by doing some surveillance or like doing some mild cons to discover information, rather than the usual methods which are like ‘put some wildfire on it’ or ‘sail the ships in, regardless of what awaits’.

Keith would absolutely teach Jon some much needed trickery, while still respecting the moral compass that Ned Stark instilled in him. Keith is tricky, but very moral, which is also now my new Grindr bio.

---

Coach Eric Taylor – Friday Night Lights

It’s a testament to the show Friday Night Lights that I absolutely feel Coach Taylor would be the most qualified to help his son become not only an effective King in the North… but also A Good Man.

In essence, Friday Night Lights is a drama about high school football, but it absolutely manages to create higher and somehow more gripping stakes than Game of Thrones and its world-spanning conflicts. Whatever, oranges and apples, as the fruit shop guy might say.

Jon absolutely needs someone with his eye on the ball, who knows how to inspire people to not only be better, but to want to be better. He needs someone who will tell him to pick himself up, dust himself off and go and kick a goal.

Hell, Coach Taylor would make a much better King in the North, running around in his little shorts. Just imagine him facing off with Cersei. She’s being all vicious and sly, and he’s calling her ‘Ma’am’ and being Southern and polite but it’s somehow the truest burn. And then Tami Taylor on the way home be like “Well, I’m just going to say it, I did not like her one bit. She is a b-i-c-h. I’m sorry!”

I understand that Jon Snow’s dad will probably be revealed through one of Bran’s creepy mind-flashbacks, but maybe he can send an affirming message through time like “be yourself” or “I believe in you, son” or “It doesn’t matter that you didn’t win the science fair, the important thing is that you tried.”

—

Patrick Lenton is a writer and author. He Tweets @patricklenton