JK Rowling Released A New Harry Potter Story Overnight
Rita Skeeter is still the worst.
In news that is doing strange and conflicting things to your childhood feelings, JK Rowling casually published a new Harry Potter short story overnight, because JK Rowling is as powerful as the sun and does what she wants.
The 1,500-word short story, released on fan site Pottermore, is written as a Daily Prophet gossip column by Rita Skeeter, who apparently is stuck in the same job she had fifteen years ago and is still a mud-slinging cow. It’s set at the 2014 Quidditch World Cup in Patagonia, where most of the book’s main characters conveniently reunite to watch the finals and have their reputations slandered by Skeeter, because the wizarding world has never heard of defamation laws, apparently.
Harry has a fresh scar on his cheek to go with the one on his forehead, which is all Rita needs to go all News Of The World on him and his family. “Does his injury have a more humble origin, one that Potter is desperate to hide? Has his wife perhaps cursed him? Are cracks beginning to show in a union that the Potters are determined to promote as happy?”
NO, RITA. YOU ARE TELLING LIES.
Rita also has a go at old mate Ron, “whose famous ginger hair appears to be thinning slightly” and now runs Weasley’s Wizard Wheezes alongside brother George. “Was the work of the Auror Department too much for a man who has admitted that the destruction of He Who Could Not Be Named’s Horcruxes ‘took its toll’ on him?”, Skeeter writes like a total idiot.
“He shows no obvious signs of mental illness from a distance, but the public is not allowed close enough to make a proper assessment. Is this suspicious?”
You leave Ron alone, Rita, he is perfect.
There are also appearances from Hermione, Neville, Luna Lovegood and Viktor Krum, as well as all those kids they had when they weirdly all paired up together at the end of book seven. You can read the whole thing here if you want to (you definitely want to).