Eating a particularly pungent tuna sandwich on day one of a new elective probably didn’t help me make any friends. Neither did sitting next to the only power point in the lecture room every week and taking up the ports to charge my Nintendo DS and bike lights.

It was Wednesday at 1.30pm; Introduction to Criminology. The class where I didn’t make one friend all semester. If it weren’t for a group assignment, I doubt I would have spoken to a single soul all term.

The Pressure To Make Friends

By the time I got to my final year of Professional Communication at RMIT, I had a tonne of electives left over to select. Being a huge fan of Law and Order, I chose Intro to Criminology. It was a social science subject – located in an entirely different section of the university.

I walked in on my first day and immediately panicked – I didn’t know anyone! Everyone already had their friendship groups! Nobody would want to sit with me! The first few weeks, I was riddled with social anxiety. Then suddenly it dawned on me: what if I just stopped caring altogether?

Although we’ve left high school – a pressure cooker environment fraught with social expectations – university can still put enormous pressure on us. You suddenly get flung into a world with countless new faces from anywhere around the globe and it’s time to start from scratch again. Some people start uni with friends they grew up with, but most of us feel the pressure to scramble around to find new mates.

Unexpected Perks Of Being A Loner

While some students join groups or clubs and get absorbed into the social campus life, some of us are perfectly happy keeping to ourselves; even if we’re usually social butterflies. As an extrovert who thrives off making friends, the loneliness of Intro to Criminology was a strange experience – but one that I grew to love.

Every Wednesday at 1:30pm would be my time to recharge my social batteries, focus uninterrupted on my work and be a totally anonymous introvert for once. It helped me ease myself of the social pressures of uni, plus all that focus meant I totally aced the class.

Making friends at uni can be ridiculously tricky, and if you flunk out at that, don’t panic. Not only are you not a loser, you’re also in the same boat as a huge chunk of your cohort. I recall friends from high school who were at the top of the “social ladder”, only to make statuses during the first semester of university that said, “how do I make uni mates lol”.

I was friendly to everyone in my course, however throughout my studies, I made a grand total of two mates who I would eventually hang out with outside of class. This is from someone who genuinely fears they’ll die if they don’t get constant attention from friends.

Sit Back And Hold The Mates You Do Have Close

A class where you don’t know anyone – or even one with familiar faces that you’re not concerned about making friends with – can be a relaxing and beneficial time in a generally stressful environment. Even if all of your classes are like that, you’re not failing at uni. Hold your mates outside of uni close – they’ve always got your back.

When we get to uni age, it’s hard to transport ourselves back to the Year 1 mindset of knowing nobody in class and simply asking someone, “Hello, would you like to be my friend?”

If you’re in a class, or even in an entire course, where you haven’t made a friend, trust me: you’re not a loser. You’re just recharging.

Dani Leever is a 23-year-old non-binary writer from Melbourne who likes golden retrievers and friendship. They present workshops in school with PROJECT ROCKIT, Australia’s youth-driven movement against bullying hate and prejudice and volunteer with Archer Magazine and headspace. They tweet at @danileever and @ArcherMagazine.

(Lead image: Degrassi: Next Class/Netflix)