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Important Shapes Update: Some Of The Old Flavours Are Back (But Not The Best One)

THIS ISN'T ABOUT CHICKEN CRIMPY.

Did you know that Shapes were invented by accident? In the 1970s the bakers at Arnott’s, disgruntled with the wastage involved in cutting the dough into potato chips, switched to flat biscuits. The biscuits were cut into “shapes”. The rest was history.

But hey, you probably already know that story, given the place that Shapes have in the Australian consciousness. It’s like the story of Ned Kelly, the lyrics to ‘Treaty’, or Tony Abbott eating onions — it’s in our DNA. However the depth of our dedication to this grainy, easy-to-handle foodstuff has been tested of late. For the last month or so, Arnott’s has come under fire for changing the recipe of Shapes. In short, they no longer taste like Shapes.

To say that we’re upset about this would been an understatement.

This resonated with so many Australians because it just straight up made no sense. Why change something that had worked so well for so long? It was bad enough when they reduced the standard packet size in the mid-1990s. The outrage from everyday Aussies was swift, their aim clear and true: bring back the old Shapes, or else.

Pretty soon the desperation was palpable as people began stockpiling original Shapes that their local supermarkets hadn’t yet run out of (do Shapes have a use by date? Someone check on those customers). On eBay, packets of original Barbecue Shapes can still be found for $5.95 a box (at Woolworths at the moment, the new BBQ shapes are on special for $2, a desperate move). And, at one point, there were reports that original Pizza Shapes were selling for $50 a box. Madness had set in.

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This is how The Hunger Games started, right?

But you know what? Arnott’s aren’t idiots. They know they’ve done us wrong (plus, they too have access to social media). Yesterday after recognising their error in judgement, Arnott’s made an announcement: they would bring back two of the original recipe Shapes flavours. Yay! One of them would be Barbecue! Yay! The other would be… Chicken Crimpy.

Hold on.

People’s relief soon turned to anger when they realised that Pizza Shapes, arguably the best and most iconic Shapes flavour, was being left by the wayside. How did this happen? The taste of the original Pizza Shape is one of the most unique experiences in the world — no, it doesn’t taste like an actual pizza, but their tomato-y, cheese-esque tang is one of the most comforting things in the world. The fact that we won’t experience that again is a travesty.

This fight is not over. We won’t forget about you, Pizza Shapes. We will never forget.