Junk Explained: What Exactly Is A ‘Hot Couch Guy’?
Everybody knows one.
Hey, there’s a new baffling term that’s sweeping the internet and making you feel scared and angry. Where did it come from? What does it mean? Is my scary step-son Todd gonna laugh at me when I use it badly in a sentence? Don’t worry, here’s what we know about the Hot Couch Guy.
In much the same baffling vein as Big Dick Energy, Hot Couch Guy is not so much a specific person, but an archetype. Everybody has experienced some variance of the Hot Couch Guy, and once you recognise their specific energy, you’ll immediately realise the Hot Couch Guy in your life. There could be a Hot Couch Guy sitting near you… right now.
It’s important to note that this guy is not hot — or more pertinently he could be, but his hotness is not important. The “hot” modifies the couch. The couch is hot.
Basically, the concept is that weird dodgy dude who owns a shitty warm couch, but for some reason you were always at their place. Picture cracked vinyl and faux-leather, goon-stained carpet, a roof discoloured by tobacco smoke, old chunky TVs used as coffee tables, yellow copies of On The Road on the floor next to the toilet, surrounded by a penumbra of pubes and dust.
in short: the deadbeat guy whose place everyone sort of just hung out at who had that faux-leather couch which was always hot regardless of room or outside temperature
— j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) September 2, 2018
The term was coined on the podcast Chapo Trap House, but like all memes, evolved and mutated.
Having to use the guys toilet with the seat halfway on it covered in ash and pubes because you have no where else to shit when you wake up at 3 PM and everyone is still asleep
— enjoying a nice beer during autumn storms (NHL on) (@intellegint) February 25, 2018
The variations are almost infinite — does this dude have white dreadlocks? Does he put on electro-jazz every night? Is Rick and Morty always playing in the corner?
There’s also other versions of the hot couch itself, such as the perpetually moist mattress, or the kitchen drawer full of hot rotten onions.
My hot couch guy had an oven with a melted basketball in it.
the most hot couch guy thing I've experienced was watching a guy eating a slice of pizza using a family guy dvd as a plate because all the dishes in the house were dirty
— christian (@nopoweradeinusa) September 1, 2018
Hey man we’re all going to hang out at this dudes place again for some reason even though he has like three places to sit, smokes inside, plays the same shitty rap and the only source of light is from one shitty overhead
— enjoying a nice beer during autumn storms (NHL on) (@intellegint) February 24, 2018
Hot couch guy is a guy whose only fridge item is a half-drank Monster energy. He sleeps with a towel because he puked on his blanket and hasn't cleaned it. He has let at least 2 people practice tattoos on him.
— awww shucky ducky (@squattyler) September 2, 2018
I have known so many hot couch guys in my life. I knew one who was living in uni accomodation, stopped going to classes, and spent all his time scheming to get a neighbour of his evicted because she called the cops on him for shooting his bow and arrow across the car park
— Eleanor Robertson (@marrowing) September 3, 2018
Every hot couch guy has a draw full of pirated DVDs from Bali. They’re all in plastic sleeves and in no order. He rifles through them like a box of Lego while asking you what you feel like watching.
— Matt Hopkins (@mopkins88) September 2, 2018
There are other signs and portents of a hot couch guy. Vertical blinds! Shag carpets!
hanging out at a hot couch guy's house in 2010. VERTICAL. BLINDS. pic.twitter.com/36IyrRiKc9
— Sophie Weiner (@sophcw) August 31, 2018
I used to know a hot couch guy who got evicted from his granny flat for stealing his landlord's garden bucket to make a bong. he forgot he'd stolen it, invited the landlord's 12 year old son over to play tekken, the kid saw the missing bucket and ratted him out to the parents
— Eleanor Robertson (@marrowing) September 2, 2018
hot couch guy is absolutely real. mine was obsessed with creating the world's shittiest beats in ableton on a crusty old white macbook
— j.r. hennessy (@jrhennessy) September 2, 2018
my hot couch guy was a guy I knew in uni who used to do long gaming sessions and pissed into powerade bottles rather than go to the bathroom 5m away
— dan nolan (@dannolan) September 3, 2018
The thing about the Hot Couch Guy is that he’s extremely hospitable. He’s usually a pretty nice guy, who just loves his cracked and worn and sweat-slippery couch, and wants you to sit on it and do hits from his bucket-bong. It’s… kinda nice that he wants to share his horrible house with you, I guess?
You can crash here tonight if you want man. I have a towel you can use.
— enjoying a nice beer during autumn storms (NHL on) (@intellegint) February 25, 2018
i'm pretty sure that hell is just being stuck at hot couch guy's place and not knowing if you'll literally ever get a ride home https://t.co/VmNizkRQhV
— 𝚙𝚎𝚎𝚛𝚜 (@caresplain) August 24, 2018
— enjoying a nice beer during autumn storms (NHL on) (@intellegint) July 30, 2018
hot couch guy’s desk is entirely bottlecaps but it’s unclear if he’s collecting them cause they’re clustered so randomly
— getting why boy wasted (@ByYourLogic) July 30, 2018
that's cool and all but did your hot couch guy live in a converted chicken coop because that's how we did it in norcal
— Zoë Beery (@noyinzoe) August 31, 2018
Maybe it’s not a universal concept, but I’ve known several.
If you didn’t know a hot couch guy growing up you were the hot couch guy
— alan (@ActionAlan) August 30, 2018
Food for thought.