So, Uh, Do These “No” Voters Think That Gay People Don’t Fuck?
We all knew that when the plebiscite on marriage equality came, we’d have to deal with some awful things being said. But for the first time, I’m forced to consider the idea that homophobes don’t realise that gay people fuck.
I never thought it would come down to this, but I’ve seen some arguments in the last few days which suggest that some prominent No voters genuinely believe that gay people do not actually have sex.
Let’s consider the evidence.
Early on in the campaign, conservative Liberal MP Kevin Andrews told Sky News that sure, he loves his cycling buddies, but that doesn’t mean he wants to marry them. Andrews thought this was an actual, logical argument against same-sex marriage.
— Sky News Australia (@SkyNewsAust) August 14, 2017
At the time, I pointed out to Kevin that his friendship with his cycling buddies is not the same as a loving, committed same-sex relationship, because, well, we fuck. We also love each other, and we fight, and we share finances, and we spend time with each others’ families etc etc… All things that cycling buddies usually don’t do.
Last week, another conservative MP, Andrew Hastie, described his ideal marriage:
— Andrew Greene (@AndrewBGreene) August 31, 2017
“[Marriage] is a special union between a man and a woman. It’s a meeting of body and mind. It begins with consent and is sealed by sexual intercourse,” he said.
Now Hastie is a very handsome man, especially by the low standard of the Australian Parliament, but I’ve never been less aroused by the concept of sex than when I heard that clip for the first time.
But if “sealing a marriage with sexual intercourse” is all it takes, I have news for you, Andrew…. we already fuck.
Among the many hurtful and offensive flyers being distributed during the postal plebiscite campaign, is this one, which substitutes genitals for seatbelts:
In the place of a penis and vagina, we have the tongue and buckle of the seatbelts (yes, that’s what they’re called). The idea is that you couldn’t possibly have two tongues or two buckles, because they just don’t fit into each other, and therefore gay people can’t get married.
So now I’m forced to ask: did you forget about butts?
If the physical act of sex is all it takes for a marriage to be a marriage, then let me tell you: gay men and women have found plenty of ways to have sex. We’re really, really good at it.
This Is Really About People Being Grossed Out By Gay Sex
One of the great contradictions of homophobia is that bigots are at once disgusted by the thought of gay people having sex while also choosing to believe that gay people do not actually have sex. (How could you possibly have sex without both a penis and a vagina?)
As Rick Morton wrote in an excellent column for The Australian on the weekend, much of the anti-marriage equality campaign comes down to visceral feelings of moral and physical disgust. Anyone who is openly gay on Twitter knows that when you scratch beneath the surface of people’s anti-gay views, you often find someone who doesn’t really care about marriage, but is truly disgusted by the thought of two people of the same sex (usually men) fucking.
The responses to Morton’s column only served to prove his point. He even compiled a comprehensive list of tweets, which I wouldn’t recommend reading if you’re a queer person who’s feeling vulnerable at the moment. Here’s just one example, so you know the level we’re working at.
With the shoving of dick up slimy lily white asses of perverts there would b no gut left in the spinchter canal! A pleasure for deviants!
— Madanmohan (@JagjivanRam) September 3, 2017
So let me make it as clear as I can: We fuck.
Sometimes it’s in monogamous relationships, sometimes it’s in open relationships and sometimes it’s with multiple partners. But the main point is, it doesn’t really matter.
We fuck now, and we’ll continue to fuck after the plebiscite is done. We won’t fuck any more or any less because the Marriage Act has been opened up to us, and our ability to fuck won’t have any bearing on whether we make a good husband or wife or mother or father or whatever other label you want to put on it.
There are many arguments against same-sex marriage that will be made throughout this campaign, some of them will have more legitimacy than others, and we’re about to have a couple of months to fully and openly debate them.
Whether and how gay people fuck is not one of those arguments.
But for anyone who’s still wondering: rest assured, we fuck.
Rob Stott is the Managing Editor of Junkee Media. You can send him abusive tweets about fucking here: @Rob_Stott.