Music

Hanson Comparing Justin Bieber To “Chlamydia” Is One Of The Saddest Insults Of Our Time

They also made fun of koalas, which was a bit rude.

Once famous pop musicians Hanson are visiting Australia at the moment as part of a global tour celebrating their 25th anniversary as a band and 20 years since the release of their absurdly popular debut album, Middle of Nowhere. 

Yup, 20 years. Sorry, but you’re old now.

This morning the band paid a visit to Adelaide’s Hit107 FM to chat with breakfast show hosts Amos Gill, Cat Lynch and Angus O’Loughlin. During the interview the Hit107 team decided to force the band to play one of those weird games commercial radio people seem obsessed with.

This one is called “Whose Song Is It Anyway” and it involves… playing a song and guessing whose it is. Spicy, spicy stuff.

During the game the opening riff to ‘Despacito’ by Luis Fonsi, Daddy Yankee and Justin Bieber starts playing, but Hanson have no idea what this tune is, despite it’s enormous, enormous popularity. Not only that, it turns out they also really hate Justin Bieber.

“Can I just say I’m glad I didn’t know what that was, because then I would have had to say ‘Despacito’,” said one Hanson.

“I prefer not to get any venereal diseases so whenever Justin Bieber gets near me or near my ears … it’s just ear infections, they’re terrible,” said another Hanson.

“It’s like hanging out with a koala… it’s chlamydia of the ear,” said another Hanson. Or maybe one of the same Hanson’s. I honestly don’t know.

I’m just going to say it: I am not here for Hanson’s dumb roast of Bieber. First of all, how have they not heard ‘Despacito’? Earlier in the interview the group admitted that they don’t listen to a lot of “modern” music, which itself is a very lame thing to say. It’s 2017, not 2007. It’s cool to like pop music, guys.

‘Despacito’ is the biggest song in the world right now. It’s everywhere. Even your parents knows about it. It’s gone 34 times platinum in the US. THIRTY-FOUR TIMES PLATINUM.

I guess to be fair to Hanson they collectively have 12 young kids between them, so maybe they are too busy rearing offspring to be across the music charts at the moment.

Even if you excuse the ‘Despacito’ thing, what’s with the Bieber hate? We’re surely passed that now. Yeah, JB had some weird phases and has occasionally been a bit of an arrogant dick. What adolescent pop icon wouldn’t be? But he’s atoned, and now he just makes very good music.

You’d think Hanson, of all people, could relate to what it’s like to become hugely famous at a young age. It’s hard to see it as anything other than a bit of professional jealousy. Hanson are so far past their prime that there’s a serious risk people reading this story thought it was about the One Nation leader having a go at Biebs.

At least Bieber has his own Wikipedia page. The only member of Hanson to have a standalone page is Taylor (the hot one). The other two, Isaac and Zac, have to share a section on the main Hanson band page. Sucked in, lads.

Anyway, this is was a dumb sledge by a band that peaked 20 years ago. And there was really no need to bring the plight of the chlamydia infected kolas into it either.

Leave Bieber/our cuddly national icons alone, Hanson.

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