Culture

Government Shelves Uni Fee Deregulation; Students Everywhere Gleefully Drink Christoper Pyne’s Tears

Thinking of u Christopher xoxo

by Alex McKinnon  1 October 2015

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Earlier today the Sydney Morning Herald reported that the government’s deeply unpopular proposal to deregulate university fees has been put on ice until at least after the next election. In a speech at the University of Melbourne this morning, newly-minted Education Minister Simon Birmingham conceded that “with only three months left in 2015, it is necessary to give both universities and students certainty about what the higher education funding arrangements for 2016 will be,” and to that end “higher education funding arrangements for 2016 will not be changed from currently legislated arrangements”.

Notably silent on Birmingham’s announcement so far is former Education Minister Christopher Pyne, who spent a solid two years of his life and a whole lot of seemingly wasted energy trying to make the policy a reality. After several failed attempts to ram fee deregulation through the Senate, including by threatening to cut off science funding if it didn’t get enough votes, it looks like Pyne’s self-described talents as a “fixer” aren’t as formidable as he thought they were.

It’s important to note that the policy hasn’t been dropped entirely; if the government wins the next election and gets a friendlier Senate, it could well give fee dereg another crack. For the moment, though, student organisations and education campaigners are basking in the glow of an undeniable victory, and are celebrating with a cool, refreshing draught of Christopher Pyne’s tears.

The University of Sydney Union, for example, reacted to the news by visually recreating what must be happening to Pyne’s face right about now:

USU President Alisha Aitken-Radburn told Junkee that “Christopher Pyne’s tears taste like sweet, sweet victory” and told Pyne to “enjoy losing your seat to [independent Senator Nick] Xenophon at the next election xoxo”. Pyne’s eastern Adelaide seat is under threat from the Nick Xenophon Team, a newly-formed party expected to do pretty well in South Australia.

But when it comes to celebrating the government failing at something terrible, it’s always hard to go past The Simpsons against the Liberals, who you can thank for this extremely important gif:

You can actually pinpoint the second when his heart rips in half.

Take care of yourself, Christopher. Thinking of u xoxo.

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Feature image via University of Sydney Union/Facebook.