Some Genius Thought It Was A Good Idea To Yell “Show Us Your Tits” At Amy Schumer
This is the most satisfying thing you'll see today.
As a woman, one of the most exquisite pleasures you can have in this world is having total control over a situation where a man is treating you like shit.
Maybe some dickhead has been wildly inappropriate with you at work — then you remember you have the power to fire him. Maybe some bro grabbed your ass while you were working at a crowded bar — then you remember you have security guards who will gladly kick him out and humiliate him in front of his mates for good measure (*waves to dozens of crybabies whose nights I “ruined” from 2010-2014*).
Maybe, as was the case with Amy Schumer last night in Stockholm, some dude screams “show us your tits” while you have a stage and a microphone and an entire security detail. Then you have the glorious opportunity to single him out in front of thousands of loyal fans, quiz him on the hot garbage which flows freely from his mouth, and eventually send him packing alone to the carpark to think about his shit decisions.
All this to say, this is the most satisfying thing you’ll watch today.
Here’s the full thing so we can savour each beautiful detail:
“Show us your tits!”
“Okay, wait. I want the guy who just yelled ‘show us your tits to come up here. It’s too good. Everybody point at him.”
*everybody points*
“Okay, and you’re wearing a shirt that says ‘I love what’?”
“[mumbles] I love pussies.”
“Don’t pretend you don’t speak English, you just yelled ‘show us your tits’. Now, yeah, don’t get shy. What do you do for a living?”
“Sales.”
“Sales. How’s that workin’ out? Is it going well? ‘Cause we’re not buying it. Anyway, that’s really cute. That’s really cute, but if you yell out again, you’re going to be yelling ‘show your tits’ to people in the parking lot. You’ll get thrown out, motherfucker.”
*crowd shot of hundreds of people — including a woman who looks like my lovely old grandma — clapping enthusiastically*
“Don’t throw him out. Just look him in the eye — tell me if you’ve ever seen a scarier motherfucker than that. I’ll show my tits when I want to.”
[Guy yells again]
“What, did you just yell out again? I’m sorry. Yeah. It’s time. Bye.”
“I was about to go anyway.”
“We’re going to miss you so much.”
