‘Game Of Thrones’ Power Ranking: Did You Just Forget I Have Dragons?
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Now the story of a wealthy family who lost everything, and the one son who had no choice but to keep them all together.
Winners
Dragons (The Concept) – 10 points
Hey, so dragons really can fight! Quite good at fighting, those frowny face fire lizards!
“We can hold them off, I have a very strong feeling about this.”
“It seems that I have fundamentally misunderstood what a dragon is.”
“Interesting battle technique.”
Let’s knock a point off Drogon though for flying straight at the damn crossbow though, why does everyone in Westeros seem perplexed by the concept of the zig zag.
WHO ARE WE ROOTING FOR, I DON’T KNOW, FIRE!!!!
Jon – 9 points
Baby Morrissey is doing very well, considering Dany is still letting him mine the dragonglass and he’s one of the few characters not on fire. He’s also probably in love with his aunt, and I for one am praying for their union because THIS IS WHAT THIS SHOW HAS DONE TO ME. I’m not sick, but I’m not well.
“You realise you’ve been singing ‘She’s So High’ for 15 minutes now.”
But somehow Jon can’t believe it’s ever gonna happen. So instead he leads her into a cave – one of his favourite seduction techniques, chicks love caves they absolutely love them – and is all, “I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE TO SHOW YOU”.
“Oh my god, does he mean what I think he means, it’s been SO LONG, I mean I’ve been surrounded by all these Unsullied and-“
“Oh he means cave drawings, what’s a gal gotta do to see a bended knee.”
Banksy.
After staring at each other far longer than is polite in any scenario, they leave the street art cave and Davos is like, “So… do you like her, or.” Jon is immediately all, “What! I don’t even know her? What? What’s her name! I actually hate her! I don’t know who you’re talking about and I hate her! Haha! What? Shut up! Who are you!”
Davos, sensing that Jon Snow is not about to get interesting any time soon, decides to help Jon mansplain slavery to Missandei to pass the time.
“Ah, the Khaleesi is my queen, she freed me and now I serve her.”
“SERVING, THAT SOUNDS A BIT LIKE SLAVERY, MISSANDEI!!!!”
“You are welcome, Missandei.”
Dany – 9 points
Dany has had a weird day, first she’s jealous that her best friend is getting more action then her, then she enters a cave and NO-ONE tries to kiss her, THEN her advisors turn out to be quite bad at war!
Tyrion has lost the war several times and now admits, “I am quite bad at war my apologies” and Dany’s only plan is to ride her dragons to King’s Landing and hope that the first person that they eat is Cersei. But then, something crazy happens.
“Wait Tyrion, I want the opinion of someone who is even worse at war than you,” Dany says.
“We should probably update our LinkedIns.”
Jon’s advice… isn’t terrible? Dany does some effective killing?
Yay?
*whispers* “…. she’s so high.”
Arya – 8 points
After being “YOU DON’T EVEN GO HERE”-ed at her own damn home, a much more monotone Arya returns to Winterfell and reunites with Sansa! It’s pretty awkward!
“I have been methodically working through a kill list, I can only find happiness in the sweet act of murder now.”
“Haha.”
“Haha.”
(Indistinct)
Sansa warns Arya that Bran is weird now and yeah, she agrees!
Also when Sansa says “Bran has visions” this is certainly code for “Bran is a real asshole now”.
“I think you’ll find I see a lot of things now, ladies.”
Dickon – 7 points
WHAT’S MA MOTHERUCKING NAAAAAMMEEEE!
Dickoooon, Dickooooahhhooon!
“Thank you so much, Rickon.”
Bronn – 6 points
Good shot, bro!
Tfw the ruling class exploits your labour.
Losers
Littlefinger – 5 points
When everyone is your enemy but is also your friend, and you are living a series of events that have happened and will happen in the future, and time is a flat circle and the world is a vampire and the truth is out there and magic is real and there’s no place like home and–
I don’t know dude, maybe he is winning.
(Indistinct)
Littlefinger knows what kids like, and what kids like is getting a small memento from that time someone tried to slit their throat when they were asleep. “Brahn, hurr is a dagggerrr,” says Littlefinger. “Chaos is a ladder,” says Bran.
“WA!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!” says Littlefinger.
“This kid is thieving my personal brand, Ima watermark my memes from now on.”
Jaime – 3 points
Pro: You did exactly what your sister girlfriend told you to do.
Con: You may be horribly drowning at this moment.
“I REGRET NOTTTTHHINNNNGG.”
“… maybe the haircut.”
Tyrion – 2 points
“I’ve made a huge mistake.”
Theon – 1 point
“Can’t wait to get to dry land, oooh eeee!”
“Who’s that handsome man on the shore? Ooh, I do love to hang out with handsome fancy man, kind of reminds me of–“
“Oh.”
Death Count
WHO KNOWS, ACTUALLY??
There are approximately three men left in Westeros now, I think.
WTF, Who Knows?
Sansa
I feel bad for Sansa for many reasons. One reason is that I can’t imagine that Westerosi science is advanced enough that she’s ever used proper conditioner. She probably has to use fish oil or something. You seen how long her hair is, dog?
The second reason is that she’s been waiting goddamn years (???) to reunite with her surviving relatives and they are mostly just shrugging her off like she’s an exchange student they sort of remember from that time they had to sit next to her in the class picture, or when she vomited on the front step at that house party.
But! Why does Sansa freak out when she sees Arya and Brienne fighting? I can’t wait to be disappointed by the reason!
“Great, do I have to find a new best friend now.”
“AWESOME, GREAT, MY SISTER HAS STOLEN MY BEST FRIEND AND NOW I NEED A NEW BEST FRIEND.”
“yay.”
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Game of Thrones is streaming on Foxtel Now and airing on Showcase at 11am and 8.30pm every Monday. Read our full recap of this week’s episode here.
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Sinead Stubbins is Junkee’s former Entertainment Editor. She tweets about Drake, Gilmore Girls and cheeseburgers at @sineadstubbins.