From All Angles: Fast & Furious 6

“You don’t turn your back on family,” gravelly-voiced Vin Diesel philosophises early on in Fast & Furious 6, the blustery new installment in the blockbuster franchise. It could be a line aimed as much at the cast and crew, with original director Justin Lin once again re-teaming with his familiar gang — Vin Diesel (Dom), Paul Walker (Brian), Dwayne Johnson (Hobbs), Tyrese Gibson (Roman), and a surprise return from the once dead Michelle Rodriguez (Letty) — for two-and-a-half hours of awesomely macho staring contests, colourful street drag races that look way cooler than those Gatsby parties everyone’s so taken by, and at least three ridiculously entertaining chase scenes (this time also involving tanks and cargo planes) that are bringing cinema audiences to delighted applause (seriously, we saw it happen).

With the film opening nationally today, we thought we’d have a quick look at what the critics are saying with our regular feature, From All Angles. Spoiler alert: Biceps.

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The author: Ignatiy Vishnevetsky

The source: The A.V Club

Crux of article: In his review, Vishnevetsky congratulates Fast & Furious 6 for continuing the work of Fast Five in solidifying the franchises “reinvention” as it moves from the “grit” of the earlier installments to its current fun-time “B-movie romp”. However, the minute Paul Walker’s dreamy blues appear next to a tank-topped Vin Diesel and an entourage of souped-up vehicles (“race cars, tanks, harpoons, and cargo planes” to be exact), coupled with the strange resurrection of Diesel’s dead ex-girlfriend (Michelle Rodriguez), Fast & Furious 6 looks remarkably like the rest of them. Despite this, Vishnevetsky is a fan and champions the large supporting cast for producing a “team vs. team” feel that “often plays more like an ensemble piece than a Vin Diesel vehicle.” “It’s dumb fun,” he says, “nothing more, nothing less.”

$2-per-word sentence: “In the world of the Fast & Furious franchise, any crime can be committed using a car and every problem is solved by adding more cars.”

Vin Diesel stare translation:

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The authors: Margaret and David

The source: At The Movies

Crux of article: Margaret and David’s review of the film is awesome. Not only because it has Margaret saying “Hell yes!” to tummy-deep excitement induced by the smell of rubber and oil burning (and clearly alludes to a wild past of hers we know nothing about), but because Fast & Furious 6 quite hilariously divides the duo along a ‘what intelligent people should and shouldn’t like’ line.

David just can’t comprehend why Margaret, an intelligent woman, would like a film that’s so silly and pointless and, not to mention, packed with dangerous driving, while Margaret can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t! Like, that’s the whole point David, DUH! Like Vishnevetsky, Margaret frames the film as ‘dumb fun’: “It’s a no brainer, the plot is ridiculous, the dialogue is not going to get any literary awards, but the creation of the action sequences is truly imaginative and they’re outrageously over the top”, she says.

$2-per-word sentence: “David, I don’t think intelligence is really a noun that you apply to this movie.”

Vin Diesel stare translation:

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The author: Neil Genzlinger

The source: The New York Times

Crux of article: The star of the film for Genzlinger is Dwayne ‘Formerly-But-No Longer-The Rock’ Johnson. More specifically, it’s Dwayne Johnson’s biceps. When he’s not being seduced by Johnson’s biceps charm or one of his half-dozen facial expressions — “the sly grin, the single-eyebrow arch” — Genzlinger sees this “bacchanalia of reckless driving” as “still primarily about Toretto (Diesel) and his buddies”, and features just enough plot to “propel the movie from car chase to car chase.” Let’s be honest, what else would you want from these “flashy smashies”?

$2-per-word sentence: “If the flip-your-car-over speedsters didn’t wreck your vehicle, the giant tank surely did.”

Vin Diesel stare translation:

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The author: Gilbert Cruz

The source: Vulture

Crux of article: Now, Cruz has gotten to know this film intimately. He’s attached. In fact, he’d like to take this film to bed and then out for eggs on a lazy Sunday morning. For Cruz, Fast & Furious 6 is about more than just boys and their toys, more than just finding new and inventive ways to defy gravity. It’s not just “dumb fun” and “flashy smashies”. It’s a parable for modern times, an exploration of “jumping”, “leaping”, “falling”, “catching” and, most importantly, “landing”. It’s about fashion statements (“tank tops worn on top of tank tops”) and the way we communicate (“I got this.”). But mostly, it’s about family (biological, moral, criminal). Whatever it’s about (he lists 33 things), it’s definitely not just about cars.

$2-per-word sentence: “Romantic love, bromantic love, automotive love…”

Vin Diesel stare translation:

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Fast & Furious 6 opens in cinemas nationally today.

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Hannah Wolff is a writer currently studying Art Theory and interning at Junkee. The twittersphere confounds her.