Let’s be honest, it was much simpler finding mates in primary school: all you had to do was share some of your play-lunch snack and bond over a similar pencil case. Flash forward to university and everyone is now carrying laptops instead of pencil cases, and for some reason nobody wants any of your snacks… possibly because all you have is a semi-warm tub of yogurt that has been in your bag for an hour.

You’re going to be walking around the same campus, attending the same tutes and weeing in the same toilets as these people for three years — it makes sense to try to develop some friendships. Follow my tips and you’ll be Captain of the S.S. Friend-Ship in no time*! (*no guarantees)

Be Confident and Alluring

It’s impossible to find friends and make a good impression if you’re always hiding in the crowd, right? We recommend taking a leaf out of the bowerbird’s book to get the attention of your peers: collect shiny blue objects and place them inside the enormous nest-like structure you prepared earlier. Heads will undoubtedly turn as you scamper around the cafeteria, gathering small twigs and pieces of paper for your display.

If all goes to plan, everyone will think you are a theatre student practising a performance or an arts undergrad assembling an installation piece. It doesn’t matter that you are studying accounting, you’ve made an impression! They’ve noticed you!

Worst-case scenario: none of your peers approach but several female bowerbirds are drawn to your nest. You now have a bunch of new friends and will be known as The Bird Guy around campus. You’re practically famous! Just make sure your avian flu shots are up to date.

Find A Usual Spot

What do Rachel, Ross, Monica, Chandler, Joey and Phoebe have in common? If you answered ‘they are all deeply irritating’ or ‘this reference is horribly dated in 2017’, you are correct! But also: they frequently hung out at their local cafe. It was the go-to meeting place.

Having a ‘local’ is a great place to meet people. It might be a cafe if you’re a latte fiend, a library if you are a super nerd, or a pub if you prefer to ignore your study altogether. You might recognise fellow customers from your uni labs and try to exchange a smile of familiarity that says potential friend and not serial killer.

After a while you might even be able to wink at the barista, order the usual and receive your preferred order without overhearing them whisper “uh that weirdo with the eye twitch wants another flat white”.

Kindness and Commonalities

Sorry to blow your minds here but life is not an American college movie: there are no fraternities or sororities, students generally look more ‘hungover’ than ‘Hollywood’ and people who exclude others for fun are actually seen as massive flogs.

Even though you might not feel like it and still struggle with acne, you’re an adult now. These three years will fly by, so don’t waste that time ignoring people. Why not strike up a conversation with the mature-aged student who always sits alone, or be welcoming to the only girl in a class full of dudes?

Small-talk tip: subtly sneak a peek at what people are holding to initiate conversation. “What a coincidence, I also bought that textbook and now have no money!” Bonding over financial stress is a wonderful and not-at-all-depressing way to connect with peers.

Flat-Out Bribery

Here’s the thing: it works. It may not be a particularly sophisticated way to socialise but if you’re a bit nervous or awkward, it’s a quick way to let others know you want to spend time with them. People will be more likely to stick around for an evening study session if you add “We can order pizza — my shout!”. In time, they’ll remember you for your generosity and hopefully forget that time you acted like a bird in the cafeteria.

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Now you’ve got the technique, you just need the tools. So, if making new friends is coming down to bribery (or you’re just hungry), Pizza Hut can hook you up with a $5 Deal today. Find out more here.