Music

We Finally Know The Real Reason Fyre Festival Was A Total Disaster

Well, this explains it.

If you thought Fyre Festival’s failure was down to complete and utter mismanagement by a bunch of (allegedly) fraudulent idiots, think again! We now have the definitive answer on why the luxury festival crashed and burned, and it’s all because Matt Skiba — the new Blink-182 lead singer, and a self-confessed witch — put a hex on it.

Makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?

Blink-182 were scheduled to perform at the event, but pulled out at the last minute because Fyre couldn’t meet their production needs (which, judging by their standard of “gourmet” food, isn’t exactly surprising). Now, two months on, Skiba has explained that his “witchy ways” actually caused the downfall of the entire festival. Of course!

“I had a bad feeling about that event,” Skiba told NME. “I consider myself a pagan and a witch. With every inch of my energy I wanted Fyre not to happen. I put all the electricity and energy in my body against that thing happening.”

“We pulled out for technical and logistical issues and the rest of it crumbled to shit because that’s what it was. It was bullshit. I used my witchy ways and it seemed to work. I’ll take responsibility and everyone can blame me.”

Skiba then turned his attention to eviscerating the problematic culture of ‘luxe’ holiday destinations. “I’ve been to the Bahamas before and it’s so crass. You land in Nassau and the whole island is replete with beauty and culture, but there’s a lot of poverty. It is a largely black population then they build these places like [resorts] Atlantis and The Cove that are walled off.”

“It’s classist and racist and then they decided to park a bunch of yachts with models to show off in front of those poor people, going down there with all your Ferraris and bullshit and yachts.”

Whether or not he’s right about the hexing, Skiba’s pretty bang on about everything else.