Eight Reasons To Support Sydney Tomorrow, According To A Swans Tragic

Tomorrow at 2:30pm, the ball will bounce to begin the 2014 AFL Grand Final, with the two best teams of the past three seasons going toe-to-toe in the big dance once again. Huge games like this are always more fun when you are barracking for a team, which is why we got two tragics to help us pick a side.

Below you’ll find words from Hugh Robertson (pictured above), a long-time Swans tragic. To read what his nemesis Darren Levin has to say to win you over to Hawthorn, head here.

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The Sydney Swans will play in their fourth grand final in ten years on Saturday, and are entering the match as favourites against Hawthorn, one of the giants of the AFL — an unfamiliar and unsettling experience for anyone who started following the Swans before this season.

But despite all the focus on their two highest-profile (and highest-paid) players, the Swans is a team of grafters, of battlers, of fringe players who were told they were too small, too slow, or not talented enough to cut it on the big stage.

Whichever teams wins this will have a legitimate claim to the title of ‘greatest club of the new millennium’. Here’s eight reasons why you want it to be the Bloods, not the Poos & Wees, lifting the cup on that one day in September.

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#1: Adam Goodes

You may have heard of him.

A spectacular footballer and an even better human being, the reigning Australian of the Year has done everything there is to do, in a career that matches the achievements of anyone to play the game.

– The first Swan to play 350 games

– The first indigenous player to play 350 games

– Two premierships (2005 and 2012)

– Two Brownlow medals (2003 and 2006, making him the only indigenous player to win two Brownlows. Also, his 2003 win as a ruckman is the only time since 1991 that the Brownlow has been awarded to a non-midfielder)

– Four time All-Australian

– Selected in the Indigenous Team of the Century.

That he’s done all of this would make him a great footballer, but his off-field pursuits are even more worthy of recognition. He is the co-founder (along with cousin, former teammate and fellow Swans legend Michael O’Louglin) of the Goodes O’Loughlin (GO) Foundation, aimed at empowering Indigenous role models in all walks of life with a focus on education, employment and healthy lifestyles. He is also a prominent spokesperson for the Recognise campaign to acknowledge Indigenous Australians in Australia’s constitution.

Goodes plays his 351^st game on Saturday, and it could well be his last. A win would make him the first Swan to win three premierships, and never has a footballer been more deserving of such a spectacular swansong.

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#2: The Bloods

The Swans are famed for the Bloods culture, established in 2002/2003 when the team was at a low ebb. In a watershed moment, the team adopted a set of values and characteristics to aspire to; the most famous of those is the ‘No Dickheads’ policy, which works just as well at a footy club as it does at Meredith, and has helped keep Swans players out of the myriad scandals that footballers of all codes seem embroiled in all the time.

But a less-celebrated aspect of the ‘No Dickheads’ rule is that it has turned high-profile, troublesome recruits into hard-working, committed team players. Barry Hall, Rhyce Shaw and Buddy Franklin were all ratbags to varying degrees when they moved to the Harbour City, and all had career-best years after moving.

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#3: The Feel-Good Stories

Ben McGlynn: Cried when he got injured in the 2012 SF, missed the GF, and has had that driving him ever since. Had a great year this year, attacking the ball with ferocity and tackling like a man possessed. No one deserves a premiership medal more than this glorious little nugget of stubble and fire.

Gary Rohan: Out of the game for 18 months after having his leg shattered during a match. It’s been a long, hard road for the loveable ginger, but he played the best game of his career against North Melbourne in the semi final last week, launching a couple of thrilling runs straight through the middle of the ground, and carving up the opposition.

Mike Pyke: The former Canadian rugby player was mocked by many in the media when recruited in 2009, but has become a very good player in his own right. Starred in the 2012 grand final, was second in the competition for contested marks in 2013, and has carried the ruck duties all year this year. He’s also delightful and incredibly humble, but you already knew that about Canadians, didn’t you?

DRINKING GAME BONUS: Yell “MIKEPYKE!” and take a drink every time a commentator uses his full name. It never gets any less fun to say.

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#4: The Good Of The Game

Of the big four football codes (rugby league, rugby union, AFL and soccer), AFL is the only one that is uniquely Australian, and along with the A-League (soccer) it’s the only code with a team in every state. But in recent years it’s all about western Sydney, with all four codes engaged in an arms race for the hearts and minds of the locals.

A win for Sydney would be a tremendous boon not just for the Swans but also for the other Sydney team, the GWS Giants — and for the code in general. If you are a fan of Aussie Rules and not already devoted to the Poos and Wees, you should be getting behind the Bloods.

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#5: To Spite Eddie McGuire

All year long, Eddie ‘Mr. Potato Head’ McGuire has used his many, many, many TV and radio shows to attack the Swans for any reason he could think of: the Cost Of Living Allowance, apparent leniency at the tribunal, ‘fair weather fans’ that don’t know or care about the game, various non-specific accusations of cheating and general bastardry, the weak Australian dollar, rising sea levels, #gamergate, hacking Jennifer Lawrence’s iCloud, invading Crimea and voting against Scottish independence.

A Swans win on Saturday would be worth it just to see McGuire’s stupid, racist mug turn a violent shade of haemorrhoid red – and you can be sure he’ll get lots of screen time if the match starts swinging Sydney’s way.

DRINKING GAME BONUS: Roar with hearty laughter or a Muntzian ‘HA HA’ and toast every time you see Angry Eddie. Swig, muttering darkly, whenever you see Smug Eddie.

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#6: Beards!

Everyone loves beards, and while a few quality specimens exist at other clubs, the Swans have the best in the business.

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#7: Aesthetics

In one corner we have the Swans, the Bloods, the Bloodstained Angels, wearing a beautiful jersey that cleverly incorporates the Sydney Opera House into the design. (Carlton probably win the award for best jersey in the comp, and god knows it’s the only thing they are likely to win for a while…).

On the other hand we have Hawthorn, wearing the timeless colour combination of dull mustard and Mission Brown. That definitely doesn’t look like poo smeared on your cheeks when you get your face painted in team colours.

Also, this is Josh Kennedy, one of the Swans’ best and most important players:

Seriously, look at that guy. Look at the light on his hair. Look at that pose. You could cast him in marble and stick him in the Louvre, and Michelangelo’s David would clear his throat sheepishly and magically grow a marble bathrobe to hide his shame/micropenis.

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#8: Buddy

Longtime Swans fans may have bemoaned the folly of That Contract, wondered about him “fitting in”, and flung their 2012 Premiership caps at the TV in the first three rounds – but watching Lance Franklin grow into his new club has been nothing short of magic.

After an ordinary first month of the season, both Buddy and his teammates have been in spectacular form, and when he is on song there is no more thrilling player in the competition to watch.

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The AFL Grand Final screens Saturday September 27 on Channel 7, from 1pm.

Read: Eight Reasons To Support Hawthorn Tomorrow, According To A Hawks Tragic

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Hugh Robertson has been published in The Brag, fasterlouder and New Matilda. He tweets from @HRobertsonEsq